Horse: Neeeeeiiiiiiigh! My friends have all left me! I am bereft! NEEEEEEIIIIIIIIGGGGHHHHH!

Brammers: Hello, horse. I have been told by your owner that it's fine for me to come and pat and groom you, so here I am! Come over here and let me pat you! If we get on, I will find a brush and brush you!

Horse: Do you have an apple?

Brammers: No.

Horse: Carrot?

Brammers: Sorry.

Horse: You've got grass, haven't you?

Brammers: 'fraid so. But it comes with pats and chin scratches if you get close enough!

Horse: OK, I come closer. Yay, grass. Whoopee. Note my sarcasm.

Brammers: And now, patting!

Horse: Come closer to the fence, little human!

Brammers: Come closer to the fence, big horse!

Horse: Hee hee hee! I have my revenge planned for the grass! Come just a little closer to the fence! You will love it, little human. Heee!!!! Oooh, you can reach me. Ooooh, you have nails! And you have got that bit on my chin, and neck nuzzles, oooooohhhh … I am just going to come a little closer to you …

Brammers: And I will come a little closer to you …

Fence: ZAP!!!!!!

[Which went straight from my hip out my hand and into Mr Horse]

Brammers: Fuck! I cannot believe I fell for that!

Horse: I feel betrayed. Mostly by myself.


In happier news, I got to play with a hand-reared barn owl and barking owl. Barn owls are ridiculously like kittens, with soft everything and insatiable desire for pats!