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28 May 2008 @ 03:37 pm
For Bryoneybrynn, on the occasion of her birthday  
And yes, this is a little late. I am pretending you live in Hawaii ...


It was dark in the Gryffindor seventh-year girl's dormitory. Dark and quiet. If you didn't count the giggling.

Harry counted the giggling.

"Would you two be quiet?" he sighed, exasperated. "Some of us need to sleep if we're going to be of any use in the morning."

"Sorry, Harry" Hermione and Draco chorused.

"It's Granger's fault, her hair is tickling my nose."

"Malfoy's fingers are tickling my ribs, that's worse."

"You are both five years old, and should start acting your age."

There was a full three seconds of silence before the slight shaking of the bed erupted into howls of laughter.

Harry gave up. "Lumos."

Two sets of eyes sparkled at him blurrily. He shoved his glasses into place and their faces focussed. "What is wrong with you two?"

"We're bored," Draco drawled. "She's left us here for months, curled up in a sexy Granger sandwich, and Granger is quite an attractive girl, so you can imagine the difficulty I am having keeping my hands off her, even knowing full well Weasley would kill me."

"He would, too," Hermione confirmed.

Harry looked hurt. "What about me?"

"That's my other beef with her, what's wrong with serving up sexy Potter sandwiches, I would like to know."

Harry grinned happily at his regular but still textually undefined shag.

Hermione shook her head. "Oh no, the minute we switch places in this bed it's all over for me. Gone will be the amusing flirtation, the regular backrubs and the almost innocent frottage, I'll have nothing for it but to catch up on my reading until she gets back, and I will do anything to avoid Wuthering Heights and Binns's Goblin Wars of the 15th Century."

"What if she never comes back?"

Draco and Hermione looked at Harry with horror. Through all the months of waiting it was a fear that none of them had dared voice, until now.

"Don't be silly," Hermione smiled nervously. "She's our author. Authors always come back."

"Shadow of his Wings," Harry muttered.

"Besides, she's left us at a bit of a cliffhanger. WIll Ron ever accept Draco? Will society accept Draco? Will the world accept you and Draco?"

"Does it really matter to you that Ron accept me?"

Hermione looked fondly at her friend. "Five months sandwiched between two hot gay boys … I have a vested interest in wanting him to stay around over the hols."

"Aah."

"Ah indeed."

"Thanks for that mental image, Hermione."

She laughed. "Harry, you may not complain, because you religiously forget that I am a light sleeper when you and Malfoy engage in a spot of hands-on character development."

There was a moment of complete silence. And a spot of blushing.

"SO," said Draco briskly. "What do you think will happen?"

"Well, clearly you're recovering from your horrific abuse …" Hermione began. "Motivated in part by the discovery of the green-eyed willing shagger, formerly known as Boy Who Lived, and in part by your determination to make your mother's sacrifice not be in vain."

"Absolutely."

"So that means we'll be going after your prick of a father at some point."

"Which reminds me, what have we done with your parents? Are they back from the Antipodes?"

"Yes, yes, back, memories reinstated, lives restarted."

"You never talk about them."

"Well … Hermione glanced at her bedfellows, "it seemed a little tactless given the company."

Harry patted her shoulder. "I agree, we go after Lucius, and uncover the mystery of whether he is acting as an independent agent of evil or as a harbinger of a new way of Death Eater violence."

Draco looked at him sharply. "Since when did you use words like harbinger?"

"Five months in bed with the two of you?" Harry snorted. "I have learned more polysyllabic terms, more esoteric wizarding lore and more of the sexual history of Hogwarts girls than any one man should know."

"Well," Draco said, "in fairness, Pansy's indiscretions provided at least a week's distraction from our plight."

"And Lavender another three days," Hermione added.

"And speculating about what Romilda Vane would have done with you was one of our more amusing evenings." Draco squidged to the far side of the bed, out of range of pinching Potter fingers.

Harry laughed. Then grew serious. "We will keep you safe from your father," he vowed.

"We will," Hermione agreed.

"I know," Draco whispered.

There was a long silence.

"Do you think she's coming now?"

"I don't know, Harry," Draco sought to reassure, "but she will come eventually."

"Do you think so?"

"She must."

Hermione nodded. "She must."

Harry sighed. "Do you know any stories we can tell while we wait?"

Hermione patted both of the boys in a motherly fashion. "I know a play … it's about a man named Godot …"






NB If a certain young lady would only update Certain Dark Things, she would receive more sensible gifts!!
 
 
 
grey_hunter on May 28th, 2008 06:59 am (UTC)
engage in a spot of hands-on character development

LOL

I wonder if it's going to work. (The motivation, I mean.) Cos I have a very long list of un-updated WIPs bookmarked. ;)
blamebramptonblamebrampton on May 28th, 2008 07:12 am (UTC)
It's my cunning new plan: alleviate guilt over own WIPs by hassling others!
grey_hunter on May 28th, 2008 10:14 am (UTC)
hahaha Indeed! :D
i can see your house from herewho_la_hoop on May 28th, 2008 08:47 am (UTC)
You are a very silly person. I approve! :)
blamebramptonblamebrampton on May 28th, 2008 08:53 am (UTC)
You ought to, I believe our senses of humour are nearly identical!
snottygrrl on May 28th, 2008 10:37 am (UTC)
though i haven't read the source material, i still love this. it's v. v. you and hence rather wonderful. ♥
blamebramptonblamebrampton on May 28th, 2008 11:09 am (UTC)
She left them just sitting there, MONTHS ago!

At least I leave my characters doing something active so they can stay fit between chapters ... ;-)
snottygrrl on May 28th, 2008 11:28 am (UTC)
i think mine are eating. :D
blamebramptonblamebrampton on May 28th, 2008 11:31 am (UTC)
See? Considerate! If it wasn't for Kreacher, those three would have starved to death by now.
snottygrrl on May 28th, 2008 11:35 am (UTC)
well, i'm not sure draco is really gonna apreciate a 300lb harry whose been eating since mid-feb. then again i also left them getting to know each other. if draco hasn't gone completely cracked from caffeine overdose (he's been drinking tea since then) i'm sure they are sufficiently enamoured with each other by now :D
(Deleted comment)
blamebramptonblamebrampton on May 28th, 2008 11:16 am (UTC)
The inspiration is a jolly good read! though it may never be updated again ... sigh ...

We could title it A Character's View of Slack Authors. And I very nearly ended it with Hermione hefting one of Pansy's leftover strap-ons, but I was not secure in my ability to write dodgy porn avec levity ;-)
(Deleted comment)
blamebramptonblamebrampton on May 28th, 2008 12:44 pm (UTC)
See, that's what we like about you; when you are not updating (which you are very good about!), we at least get the art.

I'll grant that B at least has a small child and puppy to distract her ...
Bryoneybryoneybrynn on May 28th, 2008 12:58 pm (UTC)
*falls off couch laughing*
*has panicked moment to check computer isn't broken*
*seeing that it's fine, laughs some more*
*glomps you nearly to the point of suffocation*

Oh, BB, that was sooooo good. Now I know why I love you so much. I started quoting all my favourite bits but then it was practically the whole thing, so I refrained.

Oh, except for this: Draco and Hermione looked at Harry with horror. Through all the months of waiting it was a fear that none of them had dared voice, until now.

And this:"Five months sandwiched between two hot gay boys … I have a vested interest in wanting him to stay around over the hols."

Oh, and this: "I know a play … it's about a man named Godot …"


Okay I'll stop. Thanks, sweets, it's a much better present than I deserve after my shameless teasing. Although karma kicked my ass and sent me a son with a fever for five days. Stupid karma.

And speaking of WIP's needing updating.....
blamebramptonblamebrampton on May 28th, 2008 01:08 pm (UTC)
I *know*! Can you believe how long it's been since mistful updated DDG?!

Excellent. Glad you liked it! Get well Bryoneyspawn!
Bryoneybryoneybrynn on May 28th, 2008 01:20 pm (UTC)
I *know*! Can you believe how long it's been since mistful updated DDG?!

*snirk*

You'll be pleased to know your little gift has brought me two new readers to join the ranks of the small army applying CDT pressure. *g*
blamebramptonblamebrampton on May 28th, 2008 01:32 pm (UTC)
Excellent! My work here is done.
beatnikspinster on May 28th, 2008 03:07 pm (UTC)
Oh. My. God. This is amazing! So hilarious!
thadythady on May 28th, 2008 07:04 pm (UTC)
*lol* This is hilarious! *snicker*