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08 July 2012 @ 07:37 pm
Bums and bits!  
Recently, I was chatting about my increased cycling with raitala, and she gently mocked me for buying lycra bike shorts with a padded arse. But the thing is, they're not a fashion statement, they're a necessity.

Something non-riders don't know is that cycling can put a lot of pressure on one's nether regions, and there's only so much you can compensate for that with a comfy saddle and a good bike set-up. So if one is putting in a bit of distance over a week, one can end up with problems in one's lady parts, if one is a lady, and anything from mildly numb groin to a bad case of cyclist's todger if one is not.

All of this is easily avoided with those ridiculous-looking pants, which have padded and absorbent sections that wick away sweat and stop issues developing. You don't need details. Unless you are a new lady cyclist with questions, in which case DM me and we'll talk.

But there are other products that are recommended, too, mostly along the same lines as the barrier creams/chafing cream that runners and equestrians use. Let's just say that they're a bit like lube in their ability to make things enormously more enjoyable, while not being really like lube and for the love of god do not let me catch you using them as such even in fic because most contain tea tree oil.

Now, as you can see by the above evasions, it's one of those things that cyclists talk about without talking about. But a lot of product names throw modesty to the wind, which is you can buy Hoo Ha Ride Glide, Chamois Butt'R, DZ Nuts High Viscosity Chafing Cream and, my fave, Aussie Butt Cream: for comfort down under.

In the bike shop today, I was pottering around while waiting and took a look at the chafing cream shelf. There, among the out and proud labels was a discreet, demure little pot in subtle green and white. 'Robbie McEwen Anti-Friction Chafing Cream', the label proclaimed in a manner designed to suggest one may require a tiny amount for dealing with an uncomfortable bra strap, or possibly a sock/ankle issue. It was the WASPiest cream in the world. I turned it over to check out the price.

You've guessed it. $6 more than the unsubtle ones.
ecosopherecosopher on July 8th, 2012 10:49 am (UTC)
Heh heh. Why be subtle?!

We used to wear the padded lycra pants for rowing, too. Especially in the cold weather, it really makes a difference!
blamebramptonblamebrampton on July 8th, 2012 11:30 am (UTC)
It does! They're supremely practical, if not at all glamorous. My long ones are particularly fab in that they have a little logo right in the middle of my bum. Thanks, Netti! You know how to make a girl look her best …
Shivshiv5468 on July 8th, 2012 11:09 am (UTC)
There's a lot to be said for directness.

blamebramptonblamebrampton on July 8th, 2012 11:28 am (UTC)
A saving of about $24 per annum for a start ;-)
Shivshiv5468 on July 8th, 2012 11:31 am (UTC)
That's a lot of chafing going on.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on July 8th, 2012 11:38 am (UTC)
It's a preventative, you slather some on beforehand and then never need worry about chafing. Which is much the better option, trust me!
κάτι τρέχει στα γύφτικα: karen-goodface_inbetween_ on July 8th, 2012 11:36 am (UTC)
You tell me NOT to use it as lube and then proceed to list their names?!?!??!?!!? I wasn't gonna until I read "Hoo Ha Ride Glide, Chamois Butt'R, DZ Nuts High Viscosity Chafing Cream and Aussie Butt Cream: for comfort down under"
blamebramptonblamebrampton on July 8th, 2012 11:41 am (UTC)
That's why the warning is so important! But since most have anti-fungal and anti-bacterial elements based on things like tea tree, they're only rated for moderately sensitive bits, not the really tender stuff!
κάτι τρέχει στα γύφτικα_inbetween_ on July 8th, 2012 12:34 pm (UTC)
Yes, ineffective warning ;P
I found the padded pants more interesting info, though I hadn't known about either. I remember those bones(?) hurting.

I'm burned on any skin bit by TTO.
Fanartist in trainingkath_ballantyne on July 8th, 2012 12:52 pm (UTC)
I sat on a friends exercise bike for 10 mins and went numb so when I got my own I went for a recumbent one with a nice flat seat *g*
I can certainly see why you'd want padded pants.
I tend to get issues in summer at times with chaffing. I avoid creams like 3B though as they tend to dissolve my skin. Chemical sensitivities and all. Coconut oil was a great discovery. For many reasons (we now make our own deodorant from it that works much better than ones we've had before and doesn't destroy my skin \o/)
down the hills and round the bendsnorton_gale on July 8th, 2012 01:29 pm (UTC)
As someone who used to ride 5 miles to work, I'd say padded bike shorts are a lifesaver! It just feels a bit embarrassing wearing them off the bike. Like wearing a giant maxi pad everyone can see (sorry for the TMI!)

Would you mind taking a pic of the shelf of unsubtle creams the next time you're in the bike shop, and posting it here? The names of those products are cracking me up.
ladyjanevaladyjaneva on July 8th, 2012 03:51 pm (UTC)
"Aussie Butt Cream: for comfort down under."

If I ever, ever make my way Down Under, I MUST buy one of those.
No, two: one for me and one for my best sex-crazed gay mate who often has troubles with his butt (and those don't have anything to do wtih his sex-life, which is a tragedy in itself and it took him half a year to convince his doctor that those butthole troubles were NOT due do the gay sex - his butt makes me laugh often, I have come to regard it as an being of its own).

HOrseback riders sometimes wear special padded underpants, I only wish I'd known of them back when I was riding. ouch ouch ouch and blood.

I don't think I've ever seen anti-chafing creams over here though, weird. There must be a market for them with all our psycho cyclers...
Hollyhollyxu on July 8th, 2012 06:04 pm (UTC)
The 'Aussie Butt Cream' is my new favourite name. :P

We use butt pads for dragonboating, it saves us developing what are flatteringly referred to as 'butt calluses'. (We also unrepentantly call things out at very loud volumes over areas of the dock, i.e. 'Hey, lend me your butt pad!')
mrsquizzicalmrsquizzical on July 8th, 2012 10:16 pm (UTC)
Catherine17catherines on July 9th, 2012 02:53 am (UTC)
I *love* Hoo-Ha Ride Glide as a name! Reminds me of the Smart Bitches and their Magical Hoo-Ha...
Hueyphoenixacid on July 9th, 2012 03:05 am (UTC)
Aussie Butt Cream: for comfort down under! I'm dying!

I to use the exercise bike thing at the gym and I have to say, padded pants sound like a great idea!
Joanne2amconversation on July 9th, 2012 03:57 am (UTC)
I think you'd be paying for the extra awesomeness that is Robbie McEwen.
this mundane stuff called lifewinnett on July 9th, 2012 12:58 pm (UTC)
I'm a big fan of padded arse bike shorts.

I have to use the chafing cream on my bra line. :(
Azure Jane Lunaticazurelunatic on July 10th, 2012 06:20 am (UTC)
Those are awesomely-named products.