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28 May 2012 @ 12:23 am
Eurovision 2012, The Finals!  
Friends, my head is so full of snot that it could be used as a slide in a Wash Your Hands Frequently presentation (true fact: if you wash your hands before eating or touching your face after you've been out in public areas with coal-and-flu-ridden people, the risk of transmission drops dramatically!) This will teach me to walk to work rather than catch the plague bus!

Anyway … I have water, I have aloe-vera tissues, I have the cats in another room and treacle_tartlet on G-chat, from where the following will be copied and pasted with a spot of editing, because I can't live through this horror twice!

[Two women, 26 countries, three hours, one inevitable result]
Treacle: I have been here the whole time! Hiding from people trying to convert me to AVengers fandom!
me: BWAHAHAHAHA! Oh, as if you have time for more missed deadlines.
Treacle: I KNOW
Do we drink if there are pyrotechnics before it even starts? :D
me: God yes.

And we open up with someone famous in Azerbaijan. Lovely traditional voice, followed up by boys in white suits dancing as though it's 1999 ...
me: Oh Jesus, neon strip-lighting on the outfits? WHY??
me: You will have to take smaller drinks! Aerial effects! Don't scull that one, you'll be out cold before the first song
Treacle: I am downgrading to sips, in the interests of making it to the end
me: Wise decision. I see the Azerbaijani gender differentials in the dancing reflect their human rights abuses. Nice touch!
me: Whirly traditional dancers are nice!
Treacle: They are lovely, although they look like they've borrowed their hats from an airline
Treacle: (typing is hard - it's cold and my fingers are slightly numb...)
me: I love the Emirates hats, BTW.
Oh typing schmyping, I'll fix it in the edits.
I like the boy outfits, but those moustaches are very I've Come to Clean Your Pool
Treacle: I'm sure all this gin will be good for my incipient sinus infection...
me: Maybe I need some
Treacle: Do you know what? I want Finland to send Sportacus from Lazy Town to Eurovision one year. That'd be the bomb.
me: Give it time, it'll happen.
Those dance moves looked like Italian traffic cops
Treacle: Well, Englebert Humperdinck and Jedward, for fuck's sake
This presenter bloke looks oddly like Wil Wheaton...
me: Do not knock the Dinck, I love him! You can mock Jedward as much as you like, of course. I believe they enjoy it, there's no other explanation.
He does a bit. Oh, er, for recap purposes, last year's winners are belting out their hit. And she still looks as though she doesn’t know the words, even when it's her own song.
Female presenters are back, lovely white frocks tonight! Easily the classiest presenters IN YEARS!
Treacle: The lass on the left looks as though she got halfway through having her hair done and rushed out onto the stage :/
me: Her bun is a bit lopsided
Treacle: But their frocks are lovely! Not a weird glomesh hanky in sight!
me: Maybe she has snacks hidden up there. Yes, I'd wear all the things they've worn, without shame or irony!
And now a recap of the stadium being built, thank you Azerbaijani Builders Union!
Treacle: 'It's built for entertainment' Oh, very astute, Sam the SBS commentator.
me: Wil Wheaton is back!
Treacle: It's so unsettling! I keep hearing Sheldon's voice in the back of my head. WIL WHEATON!
me: Shout-out to Australia and New Zealand! Woo hoo!
Treacle: \o/
me: I meant to go to the Eurovision site to copy and paste the order of performance tonight, but can't now because I will be spoiled. Oh well. No one expects accuracy in reporting these days …
Treacle: We can't call him the Dink, that's what my sister calls her baby.

me: And we open with the UK, famous for rocks, apparently, and the fabulous Engelbert Humperdinck and Love Will Set You Free. I like the restrained guitar on this one!
Waltzy tunes always rock.
Listen to that breath control. Sigh ...
Treacle: This is a lovely opening act. Although I do feel as though it's lulling me into a false sense of security.
me: Ooh! Dancers! Very classy! Two doing nice ballety things behind him, everyone in black. Yes. It's all downhill from here!
Treacle: Total lack of white outfits and body glitter on the dancers. I approve.
me: Ah Engers, you made that key change your bitch!
Treacle: Even the pyrothechnics are lovely and understated. WHAT IS GOING ON?
me: It's just fab! No nil points for the UK tonight!
Treacle: It's a miracle!
me: A little wobble on the last note but who cares? He hit the hard one before it like a boss!
Treacle: Who did they send last year? Was it Blue?
me: We won't win of course. Everyone hates us and no tits out to compensate for the hate.
Let us not talk about last year.
Treacle: >_>

me: OK Hungary, Compact Disco and Sound of Our Hearts. That man's head is bigger than his body. He is the reverse of the Monster Cat!
Treacle: PYRO! DRINK!
me: I know I've heard this some time in the last two nights, but my mind has wiped it out entirely. Thanks, mind!
Treacle: With good reason Did he just play his synth with his elbow?
me: None of their jackets fit properly. Have they all been on strict diets? And yes he did.
Treacle: OMG, that's who the lead singer reminds me of! Wolf from Outrageous Fortune! Their outfits were made for an entirely different band, who are even as we type tied up in someone's basement.
me: Stage apron use: is that another drink?
Treacle: Or Wolf and George Michael's lovechild, which doesn't bear thinking about It must be! DRINK!
me: I can see that.

Treacle: That sounds promising! Smoke machine, is that a drink?
me: Albania, Rona Nishliu and Suus. Her outfit continues to confuse me even more than her hair. Smoke is totally a drink.
Treacle: I don't even know what's going on with that dress.
me: And what's with the bit of plastic stuck to the side of her face?
Treacle: I think she aimed for Lady Gaga, but missed, with disastrous (but comical) results.
me: I mean, I prefer not to judge women by what they're wearing, but this outfit screams out for commentary! You could be right.
Good voice, though.
Treacle: It looks as though she didn't like the frock so she pinned some shower curtains to it to cover it up
me: Why did she pin them to her nipples?
Treacle: YKINMK?
me: You raise a convincing point. Novel use of Hollywood tape for the neck dread ...
Treacle: Or just actual glue - imagine the tears as she tries to pull it off her decolletage...
me: Nah, she'd not be so silly. Eyelash glue at worst.

Treacle: Oh, I saw Donny last night!
me: Fuck me, Lithuania with Donny Montell and Love is Blind.
me: I hate this song.
Treacle: This song fill me with BLAH
me: Sorry Lithuania. Despite being in favour of Baltic States in general, I judge you almost as harshly as I judge Austria for this year's song.
Treacle: BRB, moar gin
me: I think it's the dance moves that tipped me over the edge: sleazy club stylings from both the 1950s and 1990s. Bleagh! I wish I had the blessed release of alcohol. These three minutes are taking a disturbingly long time to pass.
Treacle: He was prettier with the blindfold on
me: The next physicists studying subjective time could use this performance ...
Treacle: Removing it was his first big mistake
me: I wish I had a blindfold.

Nice voice Bad frock chick!
Bosnia and Herzegovina with Mya Sar and Korake ni Zaam. Yet again, she has a fab voice and a really bad frock.
Treacle: Are all the female performers channeling Lady Gaga this year?
me: I think their dressers are. While her hair is Agnetha from ABBA c. 1976. What is with the uglification of attractive women in this contest? Thank goodness she has such a beautiful voice, if I close my eyes it all improves.
Oh, the wind machine and the satin skirt are not a forgiving combination
Okay, I'm going to cook dinner in the break.
me: Alas, no. And that song was too pleasant to win. That's a fast dinner! I wonder if I could get a bread roll into the oven? Too febrile. Should probably just sit here and look ill. And we're back!
Treacle: Hurrah!

me: Interviews with the French and Italian performers. Nina from Italy has green hair.
Treacle: Why is she wearing fairy floss on her head?
me: The Gaga thing again …
Treacle: Ah
me: Sam is trying to get a date with Nina
He's failing
Treacle: Oh dear...
me: She's given him a blue wig and told him he looks like her brother. I like her!

Russia! The Buranovskiye Babushki and Party All the Time. Oh the oven! Oh the folk singing! Oh the embroidery!
Treacle: Singing, baking grannies!
me: I'm a bit worried about 'Come on and Boom Boom!'
Treacle: Traditional dress is another drink, isn't it? OH GOD...
me: I believe it is. Sorry!
me: Dancing oven!
That must be a drink
me: It is. I love the acting. Oh my goodness, the chips!
I really want some baked goods now.
Treacle: Blondie is failing to immerse himself in the spirit of Eurovision.
me: Still no brownie delivery :-( [Treacle sent brownies up with a mutual friend, but they never made it to me. This is because she is a very good cook and it is probable our friend found it impossible to resist them.]
Blondie has no soul.
Treacle: Woe, woe, and thrice woe
He gets so upset when I tell him that!

me: Iceland up next! Never Forget by Greta Salome and Jonsi. I was on the money the other night, she is part of the Icelandic Symphony Orchestra! Quite like this one!
Treacle: Oh look, it's Danaerys Targarion (sp?)
me: And of course Blondie gets upset, he's not a ginger. He can reasonably expect to possess a soul!
I've never watched GoT or read GRRM. Something like tarragon IIRC.
Less herby, though.
Back-up boy on the left is a bit of all right!
Treacle: I don't understand what's going on with his tie
I believe it's a homage to Deadwood.
Or to 1985.
Like his hair.
I take it back, backup boy's part is scaring me now. His hair is frightening!

Treacle: Have Cyrpus sent an all-Welsh group again?
me: Cyprus again, Evie and La La Love. Meh.
Cypriots do look a bit Welsh, you know!
Treacle: Cyprus, Cymru, is't a fine line
me: Catherine Zeta Jones could totally play this girl's mother.
Treacle: Catherine Zeta Jones would insist on playing her, not her mother
me: Sad but true. I'm going to put a bread roll in the oven, and that's not a euphemism.
Treacle: ^_^
These girls look like bridemaids at a vengeful friend's wedding
me: If you get rid of the horrid belts, the frocks are quite nice in themselves.

me: France! HOT BOYS! Thank you, La Belle France!
Anggun and Echo (You and I), but who cares because there are shirtless male gymnasts!
Treacle: I'm sorry, did you say something?
me: Hello Boys!
Treacle: I like that they've just lifted some blocks from the local school gym
I don't know what the link might be between her very dressy corsetty frock and her half naked gymnasts BUT I APPROVE
me: Her outfit is a weird Gaga meets Curtain World ensemble ... song is fine, she has a good voice, but I am totally distracted by tanned torso and more muscles than I've seen in a long time.
Treacle: WIND MACHINE! And it's blown most of her frock away!
me: Yes! And white trousers on the boys, double drink!
Treacle: #doomed
'You cannot teach charisma' Oh, that Sam doesn't see the irony

me: Italy with Nina and L'amore e Femmina. She's a bit Amy Winehouse, a bit Lena from 2010.
Good song, actually: catchy chorus.
Like her hair!
Treacle: Yet more tastefully dressed backing acts. It's like we've slipped into a alternative reality
me: I'm not sure what's going on there. People are in tune and there are no clowns.
Treacle: I feel oddly disappointed
me: We expect Italy to bring the crazy. I'm not sure Europe is prepared to vote for them if they're bringing talent instead.

Treacle: ESTONIA! They cannot possibly top Malcolm Lincoln.
me: YAY! ESTONIA! Ott Lepland the little darling, and Kuula.
Well, Malcolm Lincoln was a high point. But he's very good!
Treacle: Hurrah!
me: Again, talented, so unlikely to win.
Treacle: Alas...
me: But if Chris Martin is ever killed in a tragic accident, Coldplay need not fold!
Treacle: It's as though nobody expained Eurovison to him, though
me: It gets worse: he stays in tune throughout the whole challenging song.
Also, DRINK!
Treacle: What?!
I did!
me: I do hope someone gives that boy a recording contract. It would make a nice change from the bloody Celtic Thunder CDs SBS are forever flogging
Treacle: I keep getting distracted by his emotive eyebrows
me: Estonian eyebrows are famously passionate.

Bloody hell, it's Norway. Norway, I love you, but not this song!
Tooji with Stay, and his great backing dancers nearly making up for his annoying song.
Treacle: Good god, it's one of the werewolves from Twilight!
me: I am happy to say that I have no idea what cultural reference you are making.
Treacle: It's for the best
me: That riff is lifted straight from Bringing Sexy Back.
Which I only know from too much late-night music video watching
Oh, no, it's I'm Sexy and I Know It, which I know from the gym. #shame!
Pass me some silver bullets.
Right hand dancing boy is in the wrong country for homoerotic subtext. Stay with your team, young one! Get out safely!
Treacle: Is it normal to want to ram Sam's microphone down his throat?
me: Yes it is, he's a git.
Treacle: Oh, good

me: Azerbaijan, Sabina, When the Music Dies.
And she is wearing a wedding dress.
A lot of maribous died for that frock.
Treacle: Smoke machine! Back-up dancers lurking around, but I think they're wearing white
me: This song makes no sense to me. And I'm not even drinking. I shudder to think what it's like from your perspective!
Treacle: I'm totally distracted by the images being projected onto her frock
me: Nice ethnic wailing in the background, surely that's another drink?
Treacle: That's right love, flap your cape around a little bit, that'll liven things up
me: Apparently you're cold, cold, so cold … Aiiiiiiiiieeeee, etc.
Treacle: I fear it might be another drink
me: I fear I might need one.
Treacle: It can only help

This looks more promising!
me: Romania now, Mandinga with Zaleilah, also known as the Bagpipe Band. It's a good party song!
Treacle: That dress is so unflattering, it must be on purpose
me: I'm not sure there's enough of it to be able to make that call.
Treacle: Not so much a dress, as a calculated attempt to make her arse look huge?
me: Oh, she just looks curvy and muscly!
Treacle: MORE PYRO!
I quite like that one, you know.

Denmark, Soluna Samay with Should've Known Better, aka the Alannis Memorial Song. She's got a bit of a Fiona Apple look going on, actually. When were they famous, Treacs? I'm too old to know.
Treacle: 90s?
They look lost on that stage
me: I want to be friends with the drummer!
Treacle: I admire a man who's willing to play the xylophone on stage
me: It's an awkward stage: it's too big to cram everyone together in the middle, but if you spread them out, it also looks weird.
Not sure why they needed the armchair ...
Treacle: This lot seem far too much like proper musicians
me: Yes, doomed, I fear.

Treacle: Why on earth did Greece send someone? Madness, what if they actually won?
me: Greece and Eleftheria Eleftheriou with Aphrodisiac. Long legs, big hair, good enough to not be embarrassing, but the song isn't catchy enough to win. I think it's like Tube Buskers, where they've carefully calculated it to be decent, but not good enough to cause crowding issues by stopping traffic.
Treacle: It's a science
me: Yeah, you must be pissed by now: white tops, too!
The dancing is unusually bad for Greece.
Treacle: Their dancers were their saving grace last year
I use the term 'saving 'grace' loosely, you understand
me: HEE!
I miss hot boy with the staple prop. Yum!

Sweden! Loreen and Euphoria!
Treacle: Oh god, all the gin is at the bottom...
me: AND interpretive Dance. Sorry, love.
You can have a bit of my liver: it's in excellent shape!
Treacle: Her outfit and hair are not really designed with a wind machine in mind, are they?
Or maybe that's the point?
me: It's like she was running late so turned up in her jammies
Sudden Backup dancer!
Treacle: It's like she stomped him to death! IN HER JAMMIES!
New found respect for that girl
me: They breed them tough in Sweden.

Treacle: WIL WHEATON! [aka the boy presenter]
me: I can see why it's the favourite.
I keep expecting Captain Picard to appear.
Treacle: I have high hopes for Turkey
me: Turkey, Can Bonomo and Love Me Back. Yeah, this one reminds me a bit of the Gay Pirates song
me: Except less gay, because they want to make it out alive
You are not going to be able to walk after this one
Treacle: It's like his backup dancers are actually five years old and have made Batman wings out of some old curtains! :D
me: Yes, but just you wait!
This is by far my favourite so far
me: Oh yes.
Batcape BOAT!
Treacle: OMFG
me: I can't believe I'm sober.
Treacle: That was a thing of BEAUTY AND JOY
me: :-)

Treacle: Anything will be a letdown after the Batcape boat, sorry, Spain
me: Spain, Pastora Soler and Quedete Conmigo. Classy outfit, clearly didn't get the memo. She's like a well-dressed Celine
Good high notes, and surprise backing singers …
me:  … Who are tastefully dressed.
Thank goodness there was something in this one for you, it was almost a sober performance!
Treacle: Shocking state of affairs
me: Frock wasn't even white: ice blue!
Treacle: Tsk

me: Germany, Roman Lob and Standing Still. And it's another Coldplay tribute, to the Beanie Years this time.
He has a nice face, though
Treacle: Well, he's a nice-looking lad, at least. I'm unconvinced about the beanie, though. Perhaps he's chanelling his inner Timberlake?
me: Maybe he had a really unfortunate haircut? Or has piffling little dreads that didn't stand comparison with Scary Hair Lady?
Treacle: You may be onto something!
me: Decent song, a bit catchy and a few things for him to show off on, but nothing more exciting than we've seen before.
And what is with the high repetition of lyrics? Is that a Gen Y thing because you all rooted your memories on E?
Treacle: Hey, I've never taken E!
Treacle: But I'm only Gen Y by two months
me: Yes, you were an admirable young woman who has no secrets to hide from her children!
Treacle: YES
me: (I won't say a word)

Oh, Malta, Chris Calleja, This is the Night.
Treacle: HIS HAIR
Most unconvincing footstomp EVER
I think what the 'DJ' is doing counts as interpretive dance
me: That or worms
Treacle: Oh, he's got one little yellow glove on!
me: I was unconvinced by this performance in the semis, and since I am sneezing more tonight, I am not prepared to judge it more kindly.
Treacle: PYRO!
me: It's a big drinking number!
Treacle: Well, thank fuck for that
BRB, more gin
me: I might have some more Vitamin C …
5 minutes
me: The girl with the flowery headdress has one for everyday wear!

FYR Macedonia and Kallioi and Crno i Belo.
I still love her, she stll looks like my Mum.
Treacle: This all looks distressingly sensible
me: She can sing, they can play, I can see why you're confused.
I like to think that if she is a woman seeking women, she would be more age-appropriate than my mum.
Ah the hard-rocking second half. Love it.
Treacle: Oooh, is that a wind machine? huzzah!
me: Second half is far more crazycakes than the first!

Treacle: JEDWARD!
me: Ireland! Jedward! Waterline!
I feel a need for red cordial!
Or sulphate!
Treacle: Oh, bless them
me: I may have cast nasturtiums on you in my semis recap of them.
Treacle: O:
me: The song is about the fact they both love the same girl …
me: Ah, good to know I know you well …
Treacle: Oh, hydrotechnics? DRINK? I THINK SO
me: It gets better
Treacle: PYRO!
me: Cartwheels!
Treacle: Apparently they've vowed to keep going back until they win? So Ireland should be safe until the End of Days.
me: HEE! Oh bless em and their wet floppy fringes!

Serbia! Love is not a Thing! Zeljko Josimovic performing with his big beautiful voice.
Lovely violin intro. Seriously, FAR TOO MUCH CLASS THIS YEAR!
Treacle: I weep for civilisation
me: It's a sign of the Crisis in the Euro.
Treacle: Does he have a stubbled, skirt-wearing clarinet player?
me: No, that's the violinists, and they're girls. Play nice!
Treacle: No, it's a flute, and stubble, and a skirt!
I'm not that drunk!
He is totally wearing a skirt
me: Oh, yeah, he is wearng a skirt. More of a sad beard than stubble …
Ukraine's Gaitana and Be My Guest, which is the CHEERIEST song of the evening!
me: Her dress has pleather fringes. I can't believe she doesn't rip any of them off!
I can see this doing very well at Mardi Gras next year.
Treacle: More boys in skirts! I approve!
me: The pastel kilt crew!
I'm sad we lost the Gaultier model boys in skirts from the semis.
Treacle: *sigh*
Oh, they've lost their shirts!
me: They are probably out being consoled by other contestants even as we speak.
Yeah, these ones less pretty naku than the others
Treacle: PYRO! \o/
me: Good fun song, though. Proper Eurovision!
Treacle: Nothing will ever beat the gnome hats

me: Moldova's Pasha Parfenay and Lautar. I, too, miss the gnome hats.
WHAT is he wearing? Leather braces?
me: These dresses remain weird. Aboriginal/Day of the Dead minicrinies.
Treacle: At least the dresses match the dancing
me: I think it's his farrier's outfit from the Pony Play Club.
Treacle: I cannot get that image out of my head now
me: I can't explain. Sort of porpoisey movements: Pilates meets Solid Gold Dancers …
Treacle: THat was reassuringly batchit
but nothing on Turkey's boat
me: Good to see us get to the crazy place by the end. Thanks, Moldova!

Treacle: \o/
me: Countries with moustaches are VERY GOOD about getting the tone right.
Oh! New frocks! And they are lovely!
This will never happen again.
Treacle: We'll enjoy it while it lasts
me: I feel bad about not going to the SBS site to vote, but am too sick. My recap is going to be this conversation with some spelling fixes.
Feel free to add more jokes if you've thought of any!
Treacle: I am trying to remember what Jedward's outfits reminded me of
me: Barbarella
Treacle: It's on the tip of my tongue
Maybe? Barbarella meets Bowie?
me: David's crotch would never be so low.
Treacle: No, that's true
me: Watching the recap makes me like France more, but I think that's just the hot boys.
God, it's an hour of voting yet. Time for another bread roll, I think.
Darling, are you conscious?
Treacle: Yes!
And I still have a gin and tonic to finish
me: Just checking!
Treacle: Hee!
me: Can you imagine being Jedward's mum?
Treacle: I'm sure she's very proud
But also drunk a lot
me: HEE! And on Executive B Vitamins

The interval act is the President's son-in-law. god help us.
Treacle: O_o
me: Serious people striding about with open flame: Audience warning system?
Treacle: Only logical explanation
me: Is Azerbaijan the Land of Fire or the Land of Horse? They can't have both!
me: No one would enjoy that. Except the French, with a good sauce.
Treacle: I like the way those boys grip their drums between their thighs
me: Mmmmm. Grippy thighs.
Oh, it's a George Michael tribute act!
Or, as the SBS presenters have it, Shannon Noll, which is only funny to Australians.
Treacle: True, though
me: I've seen better at the Dapto RSL.
Treacle: Hah!
Oh, flag-kissing AND pyro to fnish!
me: And lights up on the audience to take names of any locals not applauding.

POINTS! Albania first. 8 points to FYR Macedonia, 10 to Turkey, and 12 to Greece. No surprises there.

Montenegro and a classy lass giving 8 points to FYR Macedonia, 10 to Albania, and 12 to Serbia in a bit of Balkan unity.

Romania and another well-dressed woman. 8 to Greece, 10 to Sweden and 12 to Moldova, clearly Pony Play fanciers!

Austria and their female presenter hasn't bothered to change. Albania gets their 8, 10 to Serbia, 12 to Sweden. I note the UK is still on 0.

Ukraine and a man with very floppy hair. 8 to Moldova, 10 to Russia, 12 to Azerbaijan becuase they are total points whores.

Belarus and a total hot boy! YAY! 8 to Lithuania (WTF??) 10 to Ukraine and 12 to Russia. Not at all nepotism.

Belgium time, sane man in suit. 8 points to Russia, 10 to Albania, amd 12 to Sweden! AND 1 to the UK! (Thanks, a bit.)

Azerbaijan gives 8 to Malta, 10 to Russia and 12 to Turkey, and 1 to Ireland!

Treacle: Turkey are doing well!

me: Malta, another man in a suit. 8 to Turkey, 10 to Italy, 12 to Azerbaijan. Iceland still has none, which is just wrong.

San Marino and a pleasant looking woman who rabbits on at length. 8 points to Moldova, 10 to Russia, 12 to Albania!
Turkey are doing well, which is something. Poor Iceland!

France with a hot boy who sang last year. 8 to Serbia, 10 to Estonia, BLESS!, 12 to Sweden. 0 to the UK, you bastards.

The UK and some vaguely familiar chap. 8 to Spain, 10 to Ireland, because we love that shit, and 12 to Sweden.

Turkey and possibly the head of the local IMF. 8 to FYR Macedonia, 10 to Bosnia Herzegovina and 12 to Azerbaijan because this is TOTALLY UNRIGGED!
Treacle: *snort*

me: Greece, a pretty woman, and 8 to Serbia, 10 to Albania, and 12 to Cyprus. I AM SHOCKED!

Bosnia and Herzegovina and a mime artist: 8 to Sweden, 10 to Serbia and 12 to FYR Macedonia. Who could have guessed?

Moldova and a woman who looks like a newsreader. Iceland still yet to score. 8 to Ukraine, 10 to Azerbaijan, 12 to Slovenia.
At this rate we'll need to have Scotland and Wales secede if we ever want the UK to score well.

Bulgaria and a nice woman gives 8 to Sweden, 10 to Azerbaijan and 12 to Serbia.
Should we just call it and go to bed?

Switzerland have a beauty queen announcing their points: 8 to Spain, 10 to Serbia and 12 to Albania.

Slovenia give 4 points to Iceland! Then 8 to Russia, 10 to Sweden and 12 to Serbia. Oh Englebert -- ripped off!
Treacle: Poor Dincks!
me: I note that we haven't cut away to Englebert in the green room, I think he may have gone to bed.
Treacle: Iceland has a point!
me: They have 5!
Treacle: Hurrah!

me: Cyrpus gives 10 to Sweden, 8 to Azerbaijan and 12 to Greece.
Norway have 0, which I am OK with.

Croatia with a woman in a sparkly frock: 8 to FYR Macedonia, 10 to Bosnia & Herzegovina and 12 to Serbia. I typed that before she said it.

me: Top three at the moment, Sweden, Serbia and Russia: disturbing trend to actual skill.
Treacle: Skill and MAD DANCING OVENS
me: Clearly the secret weapon!

Slovakia, beauty queen announcing: 8 to Hungary, 10 to Estonia! HURRAH! 12 to Sweden.
Surely we can call it for Sweden and go to bed now, treacs?
Treacle: Surely?
My face hurts, stupid sinus infection. Also possibly ear ache :(

me: FYR Macedonia and someone's mum: 8 to Turkey, 10 to Serbia, 12 to Albania
I feel your pain. I have sneezed my nose off :-(

The Netherlands and a lovely girl: 8 to Turkey, 10 to Serbia and 12 to Sweden.
UK still on 1, Denmark 0. Life is so unfair!

Portugal and a nice looking woman in sparkly top. 8 to Russia, 10 to Germany, 12 to Spain -- SHOCK!
Treacle: *gasp*
Poor old Hump is at the bottom :(

me: Iceland and a man in an unfortunate jacket: 8 to Cyprus, 10 to Estonia, 12 to Sweden and Denmark gets 5! Which puts the UK back on the bottom.

Sweden and Molly Weasley's brunette cousin: 8 to Estonia, hurrah! 10 to Serbia, and 12 to Cyprus.
Treacle: The Swedish announcer was far more Eurovision batshit than their actual entry
me: I fucking hate you, Europe. And Engelbert does, too.

Norway gives 8 points to Russia, 10 to Serbia and 12 to Sweden. No surprise.
Yeah, I liked Swedish woman.

Lithuania have sent their youngest politician and give Estonia 8 points, Sweden 10 and Azerbaijan 12. Crawlers.

Estonia now! 5 points to the UK! Thanks hot chick! 8 to Russia, 10 to Germany and 12 to Sweden.

Denmark sent someone's mum to give 8 to Russia, 10 to Germany and 12 to Sweden.

Latvia's hittest young DJ gives the UK 2 points, 8 to Estonia, 10 to Russia and 12 to Sweden. I sense a winner …

Spain's presenter is wearing a nice pink frock. They give 8 to Russia, 10 to Romania and 12 to Sweden.

Treacle: Oh, god, Finland...
me: Finland have sent Mr Lordi to give their results again. HURRAH! 8 to Russia, 10 to Estonia YAY! and 12 to Sweden after interminable milking.

Georgia's presenter looks lovely. 8 points to Sweden, 10 to Azerbaijan and 12 to Lithuania.
Treacle: Estonia has done surprisingly well, considering how talented and sane he was.
me: Yes! The emotive eyebrows musyt have helped him.
Treacle: Oh! Dinck got more points!

me: Italy have sent a hot man. Thanks, Italy! 8 to Germany, 10 to Russia, 12 to Albania.
Treacle: (did i tell you I accidentally wrote more Charlie & Lola fic?)

me: Serbia and a woman in a lacy frock gives 8 to Cyprus, 10 to Sweden and 12 to FYR Macedonia.
(I saw. You scare me you dreadful young pervert.)

Germany straight from a dance party! Yay! 8 to Turkey, 10 to Serbia and 12 to Sweden.
I blame Tony Blair for the sad state of voting affairs.

Russia and a woman with a LOT of bling. 8 to Ukraine, 10 to Azerbaijan and 12 to Sweden.

Hungary's presenter looks as though she wants to go to bed. Me too! 8 to Albania, 10 to Germany and 12 to Sweden.

Israel and a chap who looks as though he's off to be married later: 8 to Azerbaijan, 10 to Spain and 12 to Sweden.
Dear Mr Humperdinck, it wasn't you.

Treacle: Why is the Irish lass wearing a hot pink shower curtain? WHY?
me: Ireland with a woman who looks very familiar and gives us 4 points. 8 points to Estonia, 10 to Germany and 12 to Sweden. Would it have hurt for a 12 to The Dinck?
It's because they have no budget and their austerity measures are harsh.

OK, that's it, we are done for another year. Sweden win. Rah-rah. Engelbert was ROBBED! I need some more panadol and you need bed!
Treacle: YES
Next year I will bloody well fly up for Eurovision weekend.
me: Good plan! Bring brownies!

And now, off to bed in a bid to be well enough to go to work tomorrow. Pilates is not looking at all likely …

PS Happy birthday bryoneybrynn! And to gwenivere73! And for yesterday to hogwartsvixxxen and silvershinigami! Best wishes for pressies and hugs all round! NB: hugs from people without snot.
Nennenenne on May 27th, 2012 02:48 pm (UTC)
Impressive post, bb. :)

I gather there was a lot of WIND MACHINE use yesterday?
blamebramptonblamebrampton on May 27th, 2012 03:35 pm (UTC)
Treacle's the real star of the piece, she was having to take a drink every time a piece of Eurovision Bingo was hit. That she was still typing by the end is testament to her Intestinal Fortitude!

And oh god I should have been in bed an hour ago ...
Loyaulte Me Lieshocolate on May 27th, 2012 03:30 pm (UTC)
we woz robbed.

as were Jedward.


We should try a song in Welsh....
blamebramptonblamebrampton on May 27th, 2012 03:34 pm (UTC)
I think we should just send Tom Jones. Who can sing in Welsh.

It's gone rampantly downhill, I blame David Cameron AND Tony Blair. Next year, we should send the D&D of Cambridge over with Tom -- let's see Europe resist that charm offensive!
Loyaulte Me Lieshocolate on May 27th, 2012 03:44 pm (UTC)
William of Wales with Tom of Jones... William can fly them all over... and if she could be heavily pregnant by then, what with all the excite, we could have a Swedish born King of England...
Hueyphoenixacid on May 27th, 2012 04:10 pm (UTC)
LOLOLOL, too bad they don't air Eurovision here. Great show to mock!
PKgirlthatsaidno on May 27th, 2012 05:11 pm (UTC)
Don't know if you've seen this but about the batcape boat...
batcape boat...

prone to mischieftreacle_tartlet on May 27th, 2012 10:24 pm (UTC)
Re: Don't know if you've seen this but about the batcape boat...
PKgirlthatsaidno on May 27th, 2012 10:48 pm (UTC)
Re: Don't know if you've seen this but about the batcape boat...
LOL. Yes, that was my reaction as well. ;)
κάτι τρέχει στα γύφτικα_inbetween_ on May 27th, 2012 08:57 pm (UTC)
I have the sneaking suspicion you want to use lj-cut? It hasn't worked for all of your long posts, at least for me, but when I click on reply, I come to a cut page instead of the whole post, which is ... truly perverse.
Kristina Anderssonkriscat on May 27th, 2012 09:07 pm (UTC)
"Sweden and Molly Weasley's brunette cousin: 8 to Estonia, hurrah! 10 to Serbia, and 12 to Cyprus.
Treacle: The Swedish announcer was far more Eurovision batshit than their actual entry"

LOL, That was Sarah Dawn Finer, she usually looks like this:

She's a singer who has competed in the swedish competition several times. This year she was one of the hosts. In one of the breaks she played a character called Lynda Woodruff, and someone apparently came up with the idea she should give the votes as the character. It's funnier when you've seen this:

prone to mischieftreacle_tartlet on May 27th, 2012 10:22 pm (UTC)
That DOES make slightly more sense, now, yes! :D
Kareinakareina on May 27th, 2012 10:21 pm (UTC)
I actually saw it; our choir was having an end of semester bbq, and we followed it up by watching it with them. The exchange students (from France and Germany) complained that the little countries all vote for each other, and could they please break their countries into pieces so that they could then vote for each other?

Much cheering in the room as Sweden kept amasing points, made me wish I had seen the Swedish act--I happened to be reading for part of the evening, and missed that one, so have no idea why it was popular. Luckily, I did catch the cookie baking grannies, who were adorable.
kaedhlinkaedhlin on May 29th, 2012 06:51 am (UTC)
I read your commentary and tea come out my nose. Very impressive stream of consciousness exchange. Hurrah for treacle_tartlet and her intestinal fortitude!
Azure Jane Lunaticazurelunatic on June 2nd, 2012 04:07 am (UTC)
I watched tonight, with the help of a lot of co-workers who weren't sure what this was exactly but were drawn in because of all the hooting and hollering, and a few co-workers who knew *exactly* what we were getting into. There were about seven of us who stayed until the bitter end.