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26 February 2012 @ 08:01 pm
Australian Politics and the Goblet of Dire  
Previously, in the second-most sparsely populated continent on Earth, this happened.

If you can't be bothered reading through all of that, then the short version is: Harry Potter was elected PM, defeating Voldemort. Draco Malfoy was rolled as leader of the Opposition in favour of Vincent Crabbe, and there was much wailing in the land because Draco looks like this: , while Crabbe looks like this: . Worse, Crabbe believes that Climate Change is a cunning trick from all those extremely well-paid scientists trying to oppress the poor, struggling oil companies, and that it would be folly to hope for equality for women in 'a large number of areas', simply because chicks 'lack aptitude'.

Inspired to at least equal the lunacy of the Opposition, the Government decided to boot out Harry in favour of Hermione  for a long and complicated set of reasons that can best be summed up with Harry can be a bit of a twat to his colleagues, plus, drugs and politics do not mix. In the space of one long-knifed night, she took over as Australia's first female Prime Minister, leaving a sizable portion of the country saying, 'Hang on a minute …'

At this point, any Americans reading may well be saying, 'But, but what about THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE!' Good question. Hold onto that, as we'll be addressing it further at a later point.

In short, while our parliaments are elected by the people, our Prime Ministers are not. This is because although everyone thinks of the PM as being in charge of the country, legally, we already have a head of state who, depending on which school of thought you belong to, is either Minerva McGonagall , or The Queen . Both of whom are cooler than even Blaise Zabini , so we're OK with this system.

Prime Ministers had traditionally been chosen by the party well in advance of elections in a manner not un-akin to students throwing their names into the Goblet of Fire and waiting to see who would be shortlisted, before a series of potentially lethal trials known as Campaigning decided who would run the government and who would be number one on the opposition benches.

After Hermione's rolling of Harry, an election was swiftly held and everybody lost, Hermione eventually managed to form a minority government with the support of the Greens and a handful of independents. The Australian people responded to the whole thing with an almighty "Meh" and a chorus of "Farkinell, they're all as bad as each other."

Which brings us to the current parliamentary sitting.

Hermione made the beginner's error of allowing a lot of her 2010 campaign to be dictated by Crabbe. With Crabbe shrieking that a Granger Government would bring about the end of the world because she'd be introducing a Great Big Carbon Tax, pre-election Granger decided that her government would not institute a Carbon Tax, but would instead construct a forum of experts and ordinary citizens to discuss how we would respond to the need to drive our country towards a low-carbon economy  (the odds were they would say 'you need a carbon tax').

'She uses much shorter words than Harry,' a Voter observed.

'Takes just as long to say anything, but,' replied another.

As the dust cleared and it became clear she more or less had the numbers, Hermione waved to the Voters and announced, 'As an extra special treat for everyone, I'm very pleased to welcome Harry back to the front bench as Foreign Minister.'

'Yay!' said the Voters. 'We love Harry! And he speaks Mandarin and has a comprehensive understanding of the Asia Pacific region! While still being happy to call the Chinese government ratfucking fuckers when they cross us! That's the sort of relationship we want with our major trading partners! We're so glad he's back!'

'Yay!' echoed Hermione, consoling herself with the thought he would at least spend most of the next few years out of the country.

Then about a third of the country flooded and old enmities were put aside as politicians scrambled to give comfort and provide aid to the victims and mourn those lost. Hermione was a dignified presence beside Madame Hooch  , the indefatigable Premier of Queensland, as they moved from one lethal disaster zone to the next. Harry was not to be seen at any of the press conferences, which had her supporters hugging themselves with glee. Then he appeared in the background of a news shot.

'Hey,' said the journos. 'That's Harry Potter!' And lo, it was the former leader, trousers rolled up, suitcase on head.

'G'day, folks,' Harry said. 'I'm just helping out with the evacuations. We've got a group of overseas students living down there and they're all away at the moment, and their house is going under, so we're getting their things out to safety before they lose everything.'

The camerman looked at him fondly. 'Is there anything we can do to help?' the journo asked.

'You can carry a few bags,' Harry suggested. So they did.

'Bastard, bastard, bastard!' muttered Hermione's minders when the footage was aired.

'Oh come on guys,' she replied. 'Be fair. It's his local area. And for all that we don't like him, he's not a bad chap. Besides, he hasn't capitalised on it. We haven't heard a peep out of him since.'

'I'm highly suspicious about that,' an adviser grumbled. 'Check out his Twitter feed and see what he's up to!'

A junior adviser whipped out her phone and looked up @HPOTTERMP. 'He's updated, here we go.' She began to read. 'In hospital with a minor injury from walking through manky floodwaters. Totally fine, it's nothing, really.'

Hermione smiled and told everyone they could knock of early. Locking her doors she ran a quick scan for Extendable Ears before jumping up and down on the spot a few times. 'Bastard! Next time I'm ditching the heels and wearing Blundstones!'

Post-election, Granger's governing coalition was reliant on the Greens -- paricularly Viktor Crumb  in the House of Representatives, but also the Greens holding the balance of power in the Senate.

The discussions that led to the Greens supporting a Granger Government went along these lines: 'We'll support you if you have a Carbon Tax.'

'But we …'

'Carbon Tax.'

'Yeah, OK.'

'HAHA!' declared Crabbe. 'YOU LIAR! Wormy Hermy promised the Australian people she would not introduce a Carbon Tax and now she's doing it! You cannot trust a word she says!'

Hermione rolled her eyes. 'You were all for a Carbon Tax last year when you were trying to roll Harry's Emissions Trading Scheme.'

'Nananana not listening! Anyway, you lied,' Crabbe gloated.

'The Productivity Commission and Treasury are both in favour of a Carbon Tax, as are a majority of Australians.'

'Liar, liar, pants on fire!'

'Ninety per cent of Australians will be unaffected or better off under a Carbon Tax, thanks to our compensation scheme.'

Crabbe looked down his patrician nose. 'Not,' he enunciated clearly, 'the Australians I care about.'

Those Australians were all outraged at the thought of a Carbon Tax. They'd just spent $22 million to get rid of Harry (true story) and here was this Muggleborn upstart about to undo all their hard work! They decided to stage a rally in Canberra, the capital. Gleefully, Crabbe agreed to attend. It was not the most temperate of events, with 'Ditch the Witch' being among the least offensive and most grammatically correct of the placards waved.

'Geez, that's a bit harsh,' complained the Voters. 'Not sure we hold with this level of excitement from politicians. That's the sort of thing you expect from Yanks.'

Crabbe backtracked quickly. 'Obviously those weren't my placards, and they don't represent my views … I totally couldn't see what was going on behind my back.'

'Know the feeling …' Draco and Harry chorused sotto voce.

'Still,' said the voters, 'it's all a bit unAustralian …'

Moved by sympathy, Hermione's polling figures began an upward climb.

Even Harry came out in her support, on Q and A, a keenly watched current affairs panel show with an ever-changing panel of public figures. 'It's just outrageous the way they've treated her,' he told the host, Tony Jones.

'Well, quite,' agreed Tony, ever the gentleman. 'And it's very nice to hear you say so after everything that's happened.'

Harry nodded. 'Look, people are just going to have to accept that the government is right on this issue. I've always been hugely in favour of a government mechanism to reduce our carbon output, as you know.'

'Though you put your own Emissions Trading Scheme on hold until 2013, which many say led to your downfall.'

'Actually,' said Harry, with great innocence, 'that was Hermione's idea.'

Back at the Lodge, Hermione picked up the phone and rang Ron . 'Are you watching this?' she asked.

'I have no words …' he replied.

'I've got one,' Hermione muttered. 'Starts with ratf and ends in ucker. I'm sending him on a tour of global hot spots. '

'He's unlikely to be shot, Hermione.'

'A PM can dream!'

Hermione's polling figures slumped again, though Crabbe's were no better. Harry remained the popular choice for leader of the country, but was very keen to let everyone from his press conference attendees to his million Twitter followers know that he was a very happy Foreign Minister and that he had every faith in Hermione as PM.

Oustide the golden shores of Oz, the Arab Spring was underway. Harry put aside his domestic concerns and began campaigning for a no-fly zone over Libya in a bid to save civilian lives.

'Who does he think he is?' other politicians grumbled.

'I'm a very happy Foreign Minister, and this is a moral question in which Australia should be taking the lead,' Harry replied.

'He's so fab!' said the voters.

'Yeah. Just great,' muttered Hermione.

Meanwhile, Crabbe was still punctuating most sentences with 'Great Big New Tax' and declaring that the country was being run into the ground, beset by disaster on every side. The clubs outside of Western Australia were loudly bleating that the proposed gambling reforms being demanded by one of the Independents would ruin them FOREVER! Inside of Western Australia, almost identical clubs were saying that they'd had that sort of reform for as long as they could remember and it never did them any harm. There was an ongoing kerfuffle with a government backbencher who may or may not have used union funds to pay for prostitutes, but given it's Australia, no one cared about that half as much as they would in the rest of the world because there were floods, and then fires, and then more floods, and it was boring. The Mining Billionaires were running a hearts and minds campaign in the media to remind the country that they owned the rest of us, and a rather rabid News-Ltd press were hammering their mistrust of 'Wormy Hermy' (also climate change, the gays, foreigners and women out of the kitchen).

Foreign leaders, from the Minister for Magic through to sundry European Wizarding Dignitaries, all looked at Australia with envious eyes. Sure, the political debate resembled schoolyard name calling, but the country had weathered the Global Financial Crisis with barely a break in stride. 'I wish your problems were our problems …' sighed European Wizardry, with sincere desire.

'Rubbish!' declared Crabbe. 'This is the worst government ever!'

'Hang on,' Hermione interrupted. 'As it happens, we have an excellent track record of passing legislation, have put the country in an enviable position re the new carbon economy, have a teeny tiny national debt, low unemployment, low inflation, solid banks …'

Ron leaned over and whispered in here ear.

'Excuse me,' Hermione said and ran out to shore up her numbers in the House.

For a miracle had occurred. One of Crabbe's minions had decided that he could no longer face the horror of seeing Crabbe in his budgie smugglers and had agreed to take on the role of Speaker of the House, a traditionally non-voting role in charge of keeping order in parliamentary debate. Thus Stan Shunpike  replaced the long-time favourite and member of Hermione's party, Professor Flitwick  with no warning, yet again leaving the Australian Voters saying 'No, seriously, what the hell just happened?'

With an extra vote in her pocket, Hermione rang John Dawlish  to let him down gently on his proposed gambling reforms, which had been widely praised by community groups, the Productivity Commission, anti-gambling organisations, average reasonable people and indeed practically everyone without a vested interest. Alas, the vested interests were well cashed-up and running a serious advertising campaign and many members of Hermione's party had indicated that they would be loath to vote in favour of reform lest it cost them their seat in the next election.

'It's nothing personal,' Hermione said. 'It's just that if we don't have the numbers to get the legislation passed, there's no point going ahead with it. And now that I have the numbers in the House, there's no point me pretending that I'm going to.'

'You … you …' Dawlish sputtered. 'My innate decency as a human being prevents me using the appropriate words but I wish Harry was still in charge!'

'You and 48 per cent of the voting public over Crabbe's 40 per cent,' said Newspoll. 'While Crabbe leads Hermione 43 to 34, because no one is that keen on either of them. Harry v Hermione is a trouncing: 53 to 39.'

'Look,' said Hermione in her most reasonable voice. 'What no one is appreciating out there in polling land is that it takes more than popularity to run a government, it takes a steady hand, a willingness to negotiate and the ability to put your ego to one side. Harry is a great foreign minister and yes, he definitely did a great job defeating Voldemort the other year, but when it comes down to it, I am the best person for the job when it comes to running a stable government.'

Harry was pressed for comment.

'Look, I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I'm a very happy Foreign Minister. Hermione is doing an excellent job and I am happy to serving the Australian people as part of this government.'

'Snide bugger,' Ron whispered.

'Shut up, shut up, don't let him hear you!' Hermione whispered back urgently.

Cornelius Fudge, Minister for the Arts, was not so circumspect. 'Look,' he said loudly and in front of rolling cameras. 'I've been a deposed ALP Leader in the past and I recognise a destabilisation campaign when I see one and that bloody Harry is not to be trusted! Let me tell you about how things were when he was PM. He's an arrogant, dysfunctional, disloyal little tit who just wants power. AND he won't do anything about it because he hasn't got the testicular fortitude to force a spill. He's never challenged for anything in his life!'

'Actually, I'm a very happy Foreign Minister,' said Harry, who was in Central America doing Important Work at the time.

Hermione said nothing.

Harry looked at her pointedly.

She still said nothing.

'Right,' said Harry. 'Fuck that, I'm no longer a happy Foreign Minister. Since I clearly do not have the support of the Prime Minister, I resign.'

Sure there was no official challenge made as yet, but only Harry would have the luck and foresight to force a Mexican standoff while he was actually in Mexico. Any moment now …

The Australian media and Voters hugged each other with glee. At last! It  was on! Ever since Harry had been deposed, the populace had been waiting for his fightback (NB, Australians: definitely not the same thing as Fightback!) and here it was at long last! All eyes watched the back-and-forth of debate, even if it was conducted more slowly than expected due to a conflict in time zones.

Suddenly, a frisson of excitement ran around the country. Harry was back!

All attention fixed on Queensland, where the most popular politician in the country was having breakfast with his family before a press conference in the afternoon. Around the country, people gravitated to televisions, radios and little screens in the corner of their work to wait for his bespectacled face.

At the allotted hour, he appeared.

'Thanks for turning out,' he said with a smile. 'I'd just like to announce that I will be seeking the leadership of the Australian Labor Party, because although Hermione's a talented and capable leader, for some reason, rightly or wrongly, she's lost the faith of the Australian people.

'I don't believe that Hermione can lead the party to victory over Crabbe at the next election, and I believe that it is vital to the future of Australia that we defeat him and his raft of 1950s'-era ideas. I want to finish the job the Australian people elected me to do when I was elected by them to become prime minister.'

'YAY!' said the Voters. 'FREE THEATRE!'

Microphones were shoved under Hermione's nose. 'Look,' she said, placatingly. 'Harry has been a valuable and hard-working Foreign Minister and I don't want to diminish the job he did as Prime Minister, because he achieved some remarkable things, but I think the record will show that the government has been more stable and simply got more done under my leadership. Also, it's a bit rich to come out and challenge me for the leadership just because he thinks I think he's disloyal. That said, I'm calling a spill and we'll have a vote on Monday morning.'

'Do you think he's disloyal?' asked the media scrum.

'Next question.'

'Didn't you come out and challenge him for the leadership back in 2010 because you thought he thought you were disloyal?'

'Oh, is that the time? Sorry, must run.'

Fudge was not so reticent. 'Harry's been trying to get his old job back for a year,' he insisted. 'Anyone who denies that is delusional. Besides, he was impossible to work with. And he has a foul mouth, haven't you seen the video?'

'Um, we're Australians,' said the Voters. 'We don't mind our pollies swearing. Or drinking, fornicating, visiting strip clubs or chucking a tanty if it's deserved. We just want them to do their jobs and for the rest of it they can do as they like.'

Attorney-General Marietta Edgecombe  stood up and brushed her fringe forward. 'Well, we couldn't do our job with Harry. He was always on the edge of crisis, an autocratic muppet and none of us want to work with him. I certainly won't be in Cabinet if he comes back!'

The Voters listened to her politely, then admitted they had no idea who she was.

Zacharias Smith followed Marietta into the debate. 'Harry had contempt for the cabinet. Contempt for the cabinet members. Contempt for the caucus. Contempt for the Parliament!' he declared.

'Don't take this the wrong way,' said the Voters, 'But ever since you tried to gag the Internet in Australia, most of us have had nothing but contempt for you, mate.'

The Lead Singer of the Weird Sisters  was next into the fray. 'There is no way that I could work as a Minister under a Potter-led government.'

The Voters looked at each other. 'To be honest,' said one, 'I had no idea that he was still working as a minister under a Granger-led government.'

'Me either,' admitted another. 'But I've got all his albums.'

'Ooh yes, seminal stuff,' the other voters agreed, tuning out the rest of the press conference.

The Independents popped in for a moment. 'I've had it with Hermione,' declared Dawlish. 'Harry's all right by me.'

'They're all completely insane,' declared Mad-Eye Moody . 'But Harry's a Queenslander, so he's all right by me, too!'

'Hermione's going to win, so there's no point me getting involved,' Dirk Creswell  grumped.

Xenophilius Lovegood  took the microphone and flipped open his 1800-page statement, but the audience were wise to his tricks after the last few times this sort of thing had happened and a beer was quickly spilled over the pile of papers. 'Right,' he said, mildly flustered. 'OK. Well, I prefer Hermione to Harry, but then I prefer Harry to Crabbe. Of course, I prefer Draco to Crabbe and Harry. And then if Padma or Seamus were to ...'

'Thanks, Xeno!' said the media and the voters. 'That'll do!'

Viktor Krum was not in attendence. It was said he was sitting outside the Lodge singing I Will Always Love You.

Seamus Finnigan  stuck his head into the room. All eyes turned to him.

'Sorry, thought this was the gent's. Must dash!' he exclaimed, before haring off at speed.

'Setting himself up for a future run at the top job?' one Voter asked the next.

'He'd be a fool not to.'

Remus Lupin  took the floor and there was a hush as everyone waited to see who the gentle statesman would declare for. 'Look,' he said mildly. 'It's not news to anyone that I really enjoy working with Hermione. I think she's done an excellent job and the government has run well with her as leader. But it really disturbs me to see people in our party trashing Harry when he did, in fact, defeat Voldemort and save the country. He's an accomplished politician and has a wonderful track record and I think that we should acknowledge and appreciate that. I'm going to be supporting Hermione, but whoever wins, the country will be in good hands. Which is more than could be said if Crabbe takes over at the next election. Rather than worrying about who is in charge of the Labor Party, we should be united in keeping the country safe from Crabbe and Co!'

The Voters looked at him with admiration. 'If only they were all like that,' sighed one. 'Sod-all chance, alas.'

Finally, Michael Corner took the floor. His usually aggressive expression was crumpled with emotion. 'I love Hermione,' he averred. 'She's brave and decent and fab. But she can't win the election. The Voters love Harry. Harry can defeat Crabbe. Only Harry can defeat Crabbe. He is the Chosen One. I'm throwing my weight behind Harry, even if it means I end up in the Forest of Dean – sorry, I mean, on the backbenches.'

Hermione listened patiently to everyone. 'Yep, OK, look, I'm taking that all on board and we'll see where we are on Monday,' she said, confident in the fact she was reported to have about two thirds of the votes sewn up. 'I'd just like to remind everyone that the leadership of the party is not a popularity competition for the nation, it's an internal party matter.'

Both she and Harry agreed that whoever lost would retreat to the backbench and support the winner without further complaint. They may have even meant it.

Around the country, Voters tried to clear their schedules for 10am tomorrow, so they could be among the first to see who makes it out of Thunderdome alive learn the victor.

'Do you think it really matters?' one of the Voters asked. 'It's still going to be the same crappy government.'

'Well, that's the irony, isn't it,' replied another. 'They're not actually crappy. We're in very good nick compared to the rest of the world, they're spending money on infrastructure, unlike the last mob, and they get a lot done.'

'Neither of them's willing to go ahead with same-sex marriage,' said a third. 'Poor old Padma Patil  will have to keep on living in sin with her partner and their baby, despite being a Minister.'

'You'd think they'd care more about the will of the people, since we're the poor buggers who'll be voting for them next year,' muttered the second.

'I'm thinking about voting for Crabbe at the next election,' the first Voter said.

The other two looked at him askance.

'Well, he's the stable choice, isn't he?' He took a step back at the looks of whithering scorn directed at him. 'Comparatively! Comparatively!'

Surveying the wreckage, Vincent Crabbe rubbed his hands together in Approved Dark Lord Fashion. "Soon, my precious! Soon it will be all Mine! Ow!"

Pansy Parkinson  carefully smoothed out her rolled-up newspaper and fixed him with the steeliest eyes in the country. "Not a word from you, sunshine. Not one single solitary word in public until after the election, and then we might just pull this thing off."

Abashed, Crabbe slunk away for a quick half-marathon followed by a rereading of all his Baden Powell.

Gregory Goyle  patted Pansy's shoulder. "Do you think people would notice if we just locked him away until after the next election?"

"We can dream ..." Pansy sighed. "The only thing that the voting public agrees on is that they hate Crabbe more than Harry or even Hermione, most of the time."

"If only we had an alternative," Goyle mused.

"If only," Pansy agreed.

"Hi guys," Draco  called cheerfully, dropping out of the sky on his retro-chic Nimbus 2001. "What's up?"

"Bemoaning Crabbe's polling …" Pansy confessed.

"Oh come on," said Draco, flashing his million-watt smile. "Polls are notoriously unreliable. If you believe the numbers, then I'm every bit as popular as Harry. Madness! Anyway, must dash off to some community thing I've been invited to. Catch you both later for drinks?"

"Drinks? Yeah, sure. Love to." Pansy knew she sounded distracted, but Draco always had that effect on her. It was the hair. And the heady scent of ready cash. Maybe the teeth. And today, something else. A faint whiff of hope.

Goyle waited until he had left before he turned to Pansy. With a moderate amount of effort, he raised one quizzical eyebrow.

She raised both of hers in reply.

Slowly, smiles spread across both their faces.

"Lovely talking with you," Goyle said. "Must dash, have a few people to ring."

"Absolutely," Pansy replied. "I'm just going to see if I can get onto Monday night's Q and A. Maybe return one of Joe Hildebrand's calls …"

And, as the sun climbed higher into the sky above the nation's capital, it was turning out to be a beautiful day for someone after all.

(And after all that, everything will have changed by 10am tomorrow!)
rosesofnightrosesofnight on February 26th, 2012 10:02 am (UTC)
Oh, I have to read this again in the morning to catch it all, but this is amazing! Thanks for giving heads up for the headlines that will cover the news (if they actually cover it) in the morning :)

blamebramptonblamebrampton on February 26th, 2012 10:33 am (UTC)
I had to leave so much out, because otherwise it would have been 10,000 words of 'and then this ridiculous thing happened, and then this one …'


And yet, they really are a quite good government on the whole!
κάτι τρέχει στα γύφτικα: rosnguil_confuseyou_inbetween_ on February 26th, 2012 10:11 am (UTC)
Hang on a minute, since when are nearly-naked men with muscles considered less attractive than heads with suits and ties? I'm not sure the HP comparisons make this easier ;) also I'm not sure how to get reply-style-mine to show me your whole post since yesterday it still leaves the lj-cut intact as seen on flist, despite me now being in single post view.
Shadow: Unavoidableiamshadow on February 26th, 2012 10:16 am (UTC)
Hang on a minute, since when are nearly-naked men with muscles considered less attractive than heads with suits and ties?

Since the person in question is a right-wing, chauvinistic, smarmy douchebag. He's about as attractive as treading on a fresh warm turd whist wearing socks.
(no subject) - blamebrampton on February 26th, 2012 10:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - leelastarsky on February 27th, 2012 05:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - blamebrampton on February 26th, 2012 10:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - shiv5468 on February 26th, 2012 11:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _inbetween_ on February 26th, 2012 01:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Shadow: Watson Clerksiamshadow on February 26th, 2012 10:11 am (UTC)
"Farkinell, they're all as bad as each other."

Amen to that.

I really, really hope Abbott shoots his mouth off soon, and in a ridiculous way. The man scares the crap out of me.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on February 26th, 2012 10:35 am (UTC)
Yes! This is why I am constantly surprised by the ALP, they just need to sit back and let Tony out-crazy everyone else until it becomes obvious he is unelectable!
Azure Jane Lunaticazurelunatic on February 26th, 2012 10:13 am (UTC)
This. Is. Epic.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on February 26th, 2012 10:37 am (UTC)
Australian politicians are like a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta. On crack.

Quite good fun for the most part ...
Sinsinden on February 26th, 2012 10:21 am (UTC)
Thing of beauty. I think I broke something.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on February 26th, 2012 10:37 am (UTC)
I hope it was nothing important!
(no subject) - kudilu on February 26th, 2012 03:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
illereynillereyn on February 26th, 2012 10:28 am (UTC)
As a fellow Australian, I have to say this is a brilliant representation of the current political tangle!

Now the question of who to actually vote for next year...
blamebramptonblamebrampton on February 26th, 2012 10:38 am (UTC)
Anyone but Abbott!
george pushdragonpushdragon on February 26th, 2012 10:42 am (UTC)
Lost it at this!! The Voters looked at each other. 'To be honest,' said one, 'I had no idea that he was still working as a minister under a Granger-led government.'

I love your analysis but don't you think it's a bit unfair to H/D shippers to put those visuals in their helpless minds? Also I sent you a postcard from my recent trip to Hogwarts, did it arrive yet?
blamebramptonblamebrampton on February 26th, 2012 11:03 am (UTC)
They've done an amazing job of hiding such a tall minister!

And you know that Kev and Malcolm make those eyes at each other ...

I DID! I have been hugely remiss in writing to thank you, this week turned into much madness -- sorry! I, too, find it almost incomprehensible that there were no PJK postcards. OUTRAGEOUS!
ecosopherecosopher on February 26th, 2012 11:09 am (UTC)
So very well done ;D

You know... I was actually quite intrigued and excited about Harry going for the leadership (even though I'll admit he did sound rather three-year-old-ish in the way he did it). And then I suddenly lost all interest, because it's HARSH! And sounds so petty and is just people bitching and I just don't have the time for it.

I just really, really want them to concentrate on getting it sorted so that Abbott doesn't get in.

ecosopherecosopher on February 26th, 2012 12:17 pm (UTC)
Also, mind if I link to it in my journal?
(no subject) - blamebrampton on February 26th, 2012 12:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ecosopher on February 26th, 2012 12:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
drgaellon on February 26th, 2012 11:16 am (UTC)
I do so thoroughly enjoy your Rowlingizing of Aussie politics. I'd love to see you take on American politics! And do let us know how it all shakes out, won't you?
blamebramptonblamebrampton on February 26th, 2012 12:23 pm (UTC)
I have thought about attempting it for American politics, but the GOP seems to be impersonating the Taliban at the moment! I'll wait until they take a pause in policing women's bodies as part of their small government push. GRRRR!

And yes, there'll be an update tomorrow, whichever way it goes!
(no subject) - drgaellon on February 26th, 2012 12:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - drbunsen on March 1st, 2012 10:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kriscat on February 26th, 2012 06:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
embolinaozembolinaoz on February 26th, 2012 11:30 am (UTC)
best oz political commentary ever.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on February 26th, 2012 12:24 pm (UTC)
Nah, Annabel Crabb had a corker of a column in the 2007 election that will never be topped ;-)
calanthe_fics on February 26th, 2012 11:34 am (UTC)
I have no idea what is going on out there in the big wide world. Thank god that Australia at least has got its priorities in order and put its fate in JK Rowling's hands. Can I expect to apply for selective membership to Australia's new and exciting website, which aims to release hitherto unknown secrets?


You make me almost want to know what's actually going on!
blamebramptonblamebrampton on February 26th, 2012 11:14 pm (UTC)
Yes, you can! And if you're not lucky enough to be one of the small number invited in to beta test the site, you'll be able to join up freely at some point between now and the end of time!

There was a brief period when Australian politics appeared to be written by the Goon Show, if my reading of history is correct, so really, this is an improvement. Expect a result in the next half hour, probably Hermione/Julia unless there's a big shock!
Leni Jess: Chocolate Frog (Wilderness Society)leni_jess on February 26th, 2012 12:12 pm (UTC)
I love you so much. Now I can laugh about it, instead of grinding my teeth.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on February 26th, 2012 11:14 pm (UTC)

Unless Abbott wins the next election, in which case, weeping and wailing would seem appropriate ...
mayela_delaruemayela_delarue on February 26th, 2012 12:35 pm (UTC)
You know, if Hermione stays in, Harry could go and join Mad-eye's new party with Draco.. Imagine the slash fic alone.

Worth the 5am finish, as usual, brilliant analysis.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on February 26th, 2012 11:17 pm (UTC)
Well, Xenophilius has spent all morning crooning little love songs in Draco's direction, so weirder things have happened!

So much typing, so much photo research. My hands hurt!
warriorsavant: HHG-Throne of fruitwarriorsavant on February 26th, 2012 01:08 pm (UTC)
Brilliant! (I linked in from ecosopher's LJ.) As a denizen of ROW (the Rest Of the World), I only have a fuzzy idea of Australian politics, but this actually made it clear (well, as clear as it could be). If Australian politics resembles Gilbert and Sullivan on crack, Canadian politics resembles Monty Python. ("You silly English politicians, I unclog my nose at you...")
blamebramptonblamebrampton on February 26th, 2012 11:18 pm (UTC)
Canadian politics has a high level of incomprehensibility that I can only applaud! And thank you!
wooly_bear on February 26th, 2012 01:35 pm (UTC)
You need Neville.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on February 26th, 2012 11:18 pm (UTC)
We have Neville! But he's leader of the Greens in the Senate and this is a Lower House stoush, alas.