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14 December 2010 @ 07:10 pm
Things I do better than Vladimir Putin ...  
Sing, and swim.

Seriously, that was a rubbish butterfly stroke. It's possible I would be a better leader of Russia, too, but since we have no basis for comparison, and I know only four words of Russian, he can have that one.

And while I am mocking people meanly, I found this gem in US Better Homes and Gardens, September 2008 edition:
What is a simmer?
"Simmer" is a just-for-fun term that has sprung up in the food world to mean cooking in a bold-flavored sauce. Think of it as braising with a twist. It's too new to be in dictionaries, but you'll see it used on restaurant menus ...

I had to actually hunt out one of my American dictionaries to check that this is as stupid as I thought it was. It listed simmer, gave its classic definitions (one of which covers the use the BH&G writer was aiming at) and noted the word comes from the mid 17th century. I am tempted to write to the editorial team to check that someone was laughed at for letting this through, but live in fear that no one was. Do not take your facts from mass market media, my friends! It is often written by gibbons!
prone to mischief: Macaroonstreacle_tartlet on December 14th, 2010 08:38 am (UTC)
AHAHAHAHAHAH! I laugh because the only other option is to weep for the future of humanity.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on December 14th, 2010 12:38 pm (UTC)
It's true. So sad ...
lal111lal111 on December 14th, 2010 08:50 am (UTC)
Lol, you'd be much better in ruling Russia.
Just about anyone would.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on December 14th, 2010 09:50 am (UTC)
Well, my popularity as a benevolent despot would be bought through public offerings of chocolate every weekend, but I am not certain that Moscow is ready for my sudden influx of public transport and car-free months ...
(no subject) - grangrangran on December 15th, 2010 02:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - anthraxia on December 15th, 2010 08:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - blamebrampton on December 15th, 2010 10:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Shivshiv5468 on December 14th, 2010 08:56 am (UTC)
Simmer? Really? Rolls eyes

Have you seen that poor wounded Stuart Broad is joining Test Match Special as tea boy?
blamebramptonblamebrampton on December 14th, 2010 09:31 am (UTC)
Oh that is just cruel ... the Australian coverage has Ghastly Shane Warne. *Weeps*
(no subject) - shiv5468 on December 14th, 2010 10:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - blamebrampton on December 14th, 2010 12:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
ecosopherecosopher on December 14th, 2010 09:14 am (UTC)
That's too funny. "a just-for-fun term". Hahahaha!
blamebramptonblamebrampton on December 14th, 2010 09:40 am (UTC)
It actually explains quite a lot about editorial comments I have received from Americans over the years if we assume that some of them really and truly believe we just make up random words when we feel like it.

Happily, I can contrast this numpty with my darlings Strunk & White, and remind myself that most Americans are not muppets!
anna_wing on December 14th, 2010 11:09 am (UTC)
Simmer. "Just for fun". Oh dear.

Though I remember a poor, benighted creature (also an American, I believe) assuring her unfortunate querent that "fruitwood" as a furniture-related term is merely a term for a colour of dye, not a reference to the real wood of real trees bearing human-edible fruit, like cherry or pear or apple (or indeed lychee, longan or mango). Then there was the recent edition of Vogue Patterns that solemnly assured the reader that Cluny lace is named after a museum in Paris...
and the article on Wallis Simpson that remarked that her affair with the King aroused the wrath of Queen Elizabeth I.

One weeps for fact-checkers and their lack of employment in the magazine industry.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on December 14th, 2010 12:36 pm (UTC)
I once had a journo snarl at me because I changed her copy, she had written that Ancient Egyptians decorated their breasts with molten gold. I removed the word molten and she was furious. I let her moan for a minute, before pointing out that gold melts at over 1000 degrees C.

'Oh,' she said. 'Well, it was on the internet.'

PS Thank you for the hilarious other examples!

Edited at 2010-12-14 12:37 pm (UTC)
FEELS TERRORIST!momebie on December 14th, 2010 02:45 pm (UTC)
I always just thought that to simmer was to cook for a while on low heat to give the ingredients time to meld.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on December 14th, 2010 02:52 pm (UTC)
That's because you're sane. Although technically it is to cook a little below boiling point, but yes -- just for fun word, indeed!
(no subject) - momebie on December 14th, 2010 02:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - blamebrampton on December 14th, 2010 03:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
κάτι τρέχει στα γύφτικα_inbetween_ on December 14th, 2010 05:28 pm (UTC)
Gibbons have better things to do! Like hang around and pick poo off their bums. Simmer indeed.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on December 15th, 2010 03:01 pm (UTC)
Well, many mass market mags are essential manure, so you're probably right!
(Deleted comment)
blamebramptonblamebrampton on December 15th, 2010 03:02 pm (UTC)
I fear for my industry some days. Other days I just want to slap everyone ...
Jessikastjessikast on December 14th, 2010 07:24 pm (UTC)
Do you have access to the next month's mag, to see if they published an apology or correction, or at least a highly amusing letters page?
blamebramptonblamebrampton on December 15th, 2010 03:02 pm (UTC)
I will hunt it out in the library and let you know!
Tarataradiane on December 14th, 2010 11:40 pm (UTC)
This might be the greatest subject lines ever in the history of LJ. Just sayin.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on December 15th, 2010 03:04 pm (UTC)
He really is a terrible singer! And his swimming is not half so butch as he thinks it is. I suspect I also ride a horse better than he does, but he was in a Western saddle so it is hard to compare as they always make people look as though their seat is sloppy ...
Hueyphoenixacid on December 15th, 2010 12:41 am (UTC)
"just-for-fun", "bold-flavored sauce" - oh, wow. O_O Um, someone needs to buy them a dictionary.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on December 15th, 2010 03:04 pm (UTC)
And then thwap them with it!
It's a Deensedeensey on December 15th, 2010 01:45 am (UTC)
Are they at least erudite gibbons?
blamebramptonblamebrampton on December 15th, 2010 03:04 pm (UTC)
They are the thickie gibbons that other gibbons are embarrassed by.
(no subject) - deensey on December 16th, 2010 02:16 am (UTC) (Expand)
uminohikariuminohikari on December 15th, 2010 01:51 am (UTC)
Re: simmer. What. I'm pretty sure that I've encountered it in a children's book written in the 80s. What.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on December 15th, 2010 03:05 pm (UTC)
Madness, sheer madness! Your cup bunny would have known it was crazy talk!
theodoraleft on December 15th, 2010 10:22 am (UTC)
Putin and inaccuracies
My daughter had a russian hamster called Putin. When I read out her text message "Putin is dead" in the staffroom at work, which included 2 russian students, it nearly caused an international incident.
I'm living your Italian experiences with you, each step of the way! love and kisses and lots of laughs xx
blamebramptonblamebrampton on December 15th, 2010 02:58 pm (UTC)
Re: Putin and inaccuracies
Oh god ... that made me laugh in a wholly ridiculous fashion!

How is New Zealand? I'm off to Siena in the travelogue next, very much looking forward to reaching the Bath chapter, which was too short but otherwise perfect! Love and kisses to you, too! XXX