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22 June 2009 @ 07:32 pm
Utegate, part III  
It's still going!

(It being Australia's version of a political crisis, see the last few days of entries for details if you've missed it)

The Federal police have found the infamous email at the home of Godwin Grech and declared it to be a fraud. It seems to have been written within Treasury, sent to Mr Grech at home, and then deleted from the Treasury servers. Mr Grech is now helping the police with their inquiries.

In response, the Prime Minister has called on the Leader of the Opposition to resign.

The Opposition has said that while that email may be a fraud, the Treasurer really and truly did send an email to Godwin Grech asking that he assist John Grant, the owner of the ute that was loaned to the Prime Minister for campaigning.

Accordingly, the Leader of the Opposition has demanded the Treasurer resign.

The Treasurer, Wayne Swan, says: 'Actually, I haven't misled parliament at all, I said that Grant had received no special treatment. There were many members of my constituency who rang and emailed me asking for financial assistance, all of whom I referred to Treasury in the same way as Mr Grant.'

You will not be surprised to hear that he has called for the Leader of the Opposition to resign.

The Ruddbot has just outlined the whole saga on The 7.30 Report, which is one of the leading television news programmes. He did it in point form. Truly, the man is Harry Potter meets Cyberdyne meets a particularly dull volume of Hansard ... Allow me to illustrate: 

+  + = 

Now The Leader of the Opposition, Malcolm Turnbull, is saying that the infamous email was clearly concocted by someone in the Treasury, ergo, it was all Wayne Swan! Poor Malcolm, he is looking very tired. He's taken to waving his hands at the camera and using the journalist's first name, saying 'As you know ...' and 'Clearly ...' while his eyes scream a deep and personal desire for the entire press gallery and Australian Labor Party to die by fire.

OH! Now he has his glasses on and is reading from notes! He is impersonating the Ruddbot! Alas, Malcolm lacks the deep level of tediousness that the Ruddbot can produce at will thus making all Australians agree with him on any topic in the desperate hope that it will stop him talking.

Kerry O'Brien, the strangely sexy presenter of The 7.30 Report has just asked if it is not possible that Mr Martine (the senior Treasury official who tried to manage the questioning) was trying desperately to protect Mr Grech (the other senior treasury official who brought up the alleged email in the first place) in the Senate Hearings on Friday.  Yes, Kerry, I think it is!

Malcolm has just finished up the interview saying 'We are not responsible for emails concocted in the Treasury, Mr Swan is!' And you just know he was thinking 'And he should resign!'

Yes, my friends outside of Godzone, this is the reality of the cut and thrust of Australian politics. Not for us the heady worlds of vote stealing, fictitious WMDs, large-scale expenses rorts and other such world-class scandals.

Still, it could be worse. If the farming lobby were not desperately trying to get a crop in after the first rains in more than 10 years, we could have been looking at Sheepdipgate ...

 
 
 
Loyaulte Me Lieshocolate on June 22nd, 2009 10:20 am (UTC)
until your news is smothered in pictures of a small island in a duck pond, it doesn't count as a political scandal...
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 22nd, 2009 10:25 am (UTC)
That's the hilarity of it all, even if it all turned out to be true, it would have been such a small thing, and now it seems to mostly be a mole-hill rather than any sort of mountain (even a piddly Australian mountain, known to the Scots as a medium hill).

I am somewhat glad to have been here for the Blair/Brown years; I don't think I could have coped with the disillusionment. While Australian politics is mostly just one laugh after another if you ignore the four or five hugely appalling things from the last 13 years.
nahimanaemerald_dragon8 on June 22nd, 2009 10:25 am (UTC)
BAHAHA. Oh you crack me up. I've been watching all of this with a bemusement - I can't look away.

Alas, Malcolm lacks the deep level of tediousness that the Ruddbot can produce at will thus making all Australians agree with him on any topic in the desperate hope that it will stop him talking.

So very, very true! I love reading your take on Australian politics - it reminds me that there are inteligent, funny people out there, rather than the idiots at my work who spent twenty minutes the other day debating about a Centrelink photographer's opinion concerning KRudd.
nahimanaemerald_dragon8 on June 22nd, 2009 10:25 am (UTC)
Also, I fail at italics. My apologies. :)
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 22nd, 2009 10:35 am (UTC)
I've spent all week astonished at Therese Rein and wondering if she lost weight because she wanted to or because the photographers and women's mags were so mean. So I'm not entirely deep and meaningful ;-)

This is probably the dumbest political crisis I have ever seen in four decades of looking, though I am starting to feel v sorry for Malcolm, and even sorrier that we won't have Julia Gillard in charge next week, I had a momentary flush of excitement at the idea!

And you can have as many italics as you like here, it's a typography friendly space ;-)
old_enoughold_enough on June 22nd, 2009 10:32 am (UTC)
I suppose it all comes down to "the Opposition" having to find something to oppose or they can't say they are doing their job?
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 22nd, 2009 10:37 am (UTC)
Poor Opposition ... They were doing so well the other week when they were focussing on the Deficit. It's all just so Australian: money, finger-pointing and whining in a manly fashion ...
prone to mischieftreacle_tartlet on June 22nd, 2009 10:34 am (UTC)
UteGate! UTEGATE! *dies laughing*
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 22nd, 2009 10:43 am (UTC)
Could be worse, imagine: Roogate, Wombatgate, Kyliegate, Chardonnaygate and Barnesygate ...
boodiedharawal on June 22nd, 2009 01:36 pm (UTC)
No no... Farnhamgate, to explain why John just wont STAY retired 8-)
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 22nd, 2009 01:39 pm (UTC)
Oh that's easy, he invested in Storm ;-)
This Girlthisgirl_is on June 23rd, 2009 10:59 am (UTC)
I defy anyone to beat UndieGate. (About a third of the way down the page - 04/02/97)
feralcheryl on June 22nd, 2009 10:45 am (UTC)
*sniff* but I love the Ruddbot ( in the same way others loved the Buffybot)and he politely sliced the dorkus on channel 7 a new place from which his pooh might leave.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 22nd, 2009 10:53 am (UTC)
It is all right to love the Ruddbot. It's only a little kooky and not at all perverse in the way that loving Howard would have been.

I find myself merely grateful that his programming is benign and that he has chosen to use his immense powers for good rather than evil ;-)

(Also, why are you watching Channel 7? It lacks Kerry!)
autumn_veelaautumn_veela on June 22nd, 2009 10:45 am (UTC)
Didn't we already have a sheepdipgate? Or something very close to it, anyway.

And I agree that Kerry O'Brien is strangely sexy. Imagine if he and Julia Gillard had a love child...
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 22nd, 2009 10:55 am (UTC)
That would be the most attractive ginger in the world!

I suppose one could call the Bjelke-Petersen years sheepdipgate, but I need Mr Brammers home to make good jokes about them as he was in Queensland and Murwillumbah for most of them.
jamie2109: general - pink blossomjamie2109 on June 22nd, 2009 12:12 pm (UTC)
I thought the Bjelke-Petersen years were called sconegate or pumpkingate or something. ;p
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 22nd, 2009 12:39 pm (UTC)
Heh! Quite probably!
Vaysh Swiftstormvaysh on June 22nd, 2009 11:09 am (UTC)
I heard a summary of this "affair" on BBC World yesterday, and truly, your posts are not only way more entertaining, but also so much more more lucid than anything BBC came up with.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 22nd, 2009 11:10 am (UTC)
They have to take it seriously, I am bound by no such constraints ;-)
jamie2109: text - penguins stealing sanityjamie2109 on June 22nd, 2009 12:10 pm (UTC)
I think little Johnny scooped the pool on the expense rort thing with nearly 1 mil in post-office expenses for the year.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 22nd, 2009 12:37 pm (UTC)
They were ESSENTIAL! People may not have known exactly what he was doing!
jamie2109jamie2109 on June 22nd, 2009 12:39 pm (UTC)
Oh, of course the were essential. *nods*

Actually, I'm a bit stumped as to why we're footing a half mil bill for Whitlam. Isn't he dead, yet? lol.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 22nd, 2009 12:41 pm (UTC)
I believe the money is to keep him alive so that whenever any of these alleged scandals break, he can be trotted out from retirement to say 'Oh, this is nothing so bad as The Dismissal ...'
jamie2109: general - homer nom nomjamie2109 on June 22nd, 2009 12:44 pm (UTC)
D'oh! Of course...

And Malcolm cos of the pants down thing, or the 'life wasn't meant to be easy' statement, and Bobbie cos of the bloody idiot thing or the mistress thing or the 'no child shall live in poverty' thing...and Paul cos of the...recession we had to have, maybe? Oh, and his Italian designer suits. *nods*
ozdobeozdobe on June 24th, 2009 12:16 am (UTC)
Mustn't forget the clocks and the senate = 'unrepresentative swine"... I miss Paul - "scumbags the lot of you"
jamie2109: general - coffeejamie2109 on June 24th, 2009 12:22 am (UTC)
Ah yes, he was very eloquent in his insults, wasn't he?
girl; obsessed: bandom - way bros. so lol!complications_g on June 22nd, 2009 12:23 pm (UTC)
I've been following this, and to be honest, I can't stop laughing. It's pretty ridiculous.

Malcolm Turnbull was just so ~offended over this 'favouritism', acting like he'd never ever do something so awful. It seems to me like it's barely anything to get worked up over, and I'm sure he's done just as ridiculous things. You can't be in politics and be totally clean, you know?

It's all very entertaining. ;)

Edited at 2009-06-22 12:24 pm (UTC)
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 22nd, 2009 12:37 pm (UTC)
Malcolm I Am Such A Cleanskin Turnbull has a serious record of environmental disasters behind him in several of the many companies that formed his fortune. And he knows that he has dangerously over-stepped. I think the only person who is feeling wholly calm and relaxed at the moment is Peter Costello. Bless him, he almost deserves a break ...
girl; obsessed: other - rainbow tightscomplications_g on June 22nd, 2009 12:40 pm (UTC)
:D

Seriously, hilarious.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 22nd, 2009 12:42 pm (UTC)
Did you hear Costello's thank you speech last week (Monday, I think)? Worth checking out Hansard for!
girl; obsessed: music - lily feetcomplications_g on June 22nd, 2009 12:43 pm (UTC)
No, but I might have to check it out now. ;)
Bryoneybryoneybrynn on June 22nd, 2009 12:44 pm (UTC)
Australian politics - who knew how deep the corruption went!

Alas, having withdrawn from the real world for the last few weeks, I understand only a small fraction of this but that fraction was very amusing to say the least. *g*
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 22nd, 2009 01:40 pm (UTC)
I love it, pollies whose worst problem is that someone loaned them a truck. It's a pleasant change from the days when half the country is on fire and the other half flooded.
Dedicated Escape Artist: Coffee Timejadzialove on June 22nd, 2009 02:24 pm (UTC)
Well, all I can say is Australian politics are very refreshing!
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 22nd, 2009 02:56 pm (UTC)
The funny thing is that this could actually have brought down the PM and Treasurer, though the government would have survived. For the want of a rusty ute ...
shu_shu_sleepsshu_shu_sleeps on June 23rd, 2009 09:34 am (UTC)
Ooh ooh I'm watching Red Kerry right now and the saga continues.....
I loved the illustration of our beloved Ruddbot, but you do need to add a piccie of our favourite journalistic pinup - Kerry O'Brien.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 23rd, 2009 02:01 pm (UTC)
Damn! I was home late and missed it. I caught Hockey on Lateline, oh he is a goon.

Do you think the world would be able to cope with the glory of Kerry? I am not wholly sure ...
shu_shu_sleepsshu_shu_sleeps on June 24th, 2009 08:37 am (UTC)
oh - that's a point - the glory of Kerry should be used carefully - after all if we get all your readers hooked on him, we'd need to feed the addiction, or it just would be too cruel......
(Deleted comment)
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 23rd, 2009 02:04 pm (UTC)
Yes, I would normally be commenting at length at the current British situation, but to think on it at all induces fits of weeping. I will stick to the Antipodes and the laughs to be found here.
rubyemerald_1 on June 23rd, 2009 01:56 pm (UTC)
Looks as if the imminent threat of Turnbull's leadership of the country has been successfully averted, for now. Do you think there exists in this world any nation worthy of having had two Prime Ministers Malcolm?
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 23rd, 2009 02:00 pm (UTC)
That would be too cruel! I am living in hope the next one here will be named Julia ;-)