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27 June 2013 @ 12:09 am
Aus politics, the index card version  
So, this morning, your PM was Julia Gillard, right?

And, this evening, it's Kevin Rudd?
Sort of. He is the new leader of the parliamentary Australian Labor Party and Julia Gillard has resigned the Prime Ministership in his favour, but he is only the Prime Minister designate at the moment.

So might he not be in the morning?
Eh, there are some complicated constitutional thingies that could see that happen, but they're not likely to take place, so I can't be arsed looking them up to make sure I get them right. He probably will be.

And this is the same Prime Minister you Aussies elected in 2007?
I'm only a part-Aussie, don't blame me! But yes.

And deposed in 2010?
Oh, that wasn't us, that was the ALP, his party, who turned on him because he had terrible polling figures and installed Gillard.

And now they've turned on Gillard and re-installed Rudd?

Because Gillard had even worse polling figures than Rudd had in 2010.

Not because parliament and the mainstream media are a pack of sexist twats who couldn't stand being governed by a woman?
Well, a bit … but also because Gillard is a frustrating politician who is actually very very good at driving policy and designing legislation and building the coalitions to get it through a hung parliament full of gibbons, but who then can't seem to manage to communicate any of her plans or successes to the general public. So while she did an amazing job at passing legislation, she did a terrible job at conveying any of her messages to the voting public.

And then she turns around and gives a concession speech that is full of wit, personality, compassion and fortitude. Dammit, Gillard, where was that last week?

So those misogyny wars she started were just bollocks?
Oh, she SO did not start those! The coverage of her leadership in some quarters was staggeringly sexist from day one, and the Opposition's disrespect for her has been astonishing and appalling. There is no question that her misogyny speech was born out of anything other than genuine outrage and exasperation, and is one that most women in the Western world have felt like making at some point.

Never forget that while Julia Gillard was trying to shore up her numbers against Kevin, a woman named Wendy Davis spent 11 hours on her feet trying to prevent the state of Texas from legislating to control women's bodies. If you doubt that sexism is still entrenched in much of Australia, as it is in the UK and US, then you're Julie Bishop lying, or an idiot.

But what about what Tony Abbott says about it being outrageous the way she was rolled?
The way Kevin Rudd was rolled? The way Tony Abbott rolled Malcolm Turnbull? The way Turnbull rolled Brendon Neilsen? The way Kevin rolled Kim Beazley? Need I go on? Rolling leaders is an Australian sport. If only there were Test Matches in leader rolling, the upcoming Ashes wouldn't be such a dire prospect for everyone out here. (Except me, and all the other British expats who are wandering around cackling wildly at the prospect.)

But this is a terrible government, yes?
Not in terms of actual governing, they've actually been bloody amazing and Australia is in strong economic form and with wonderful new legislation regarding schools and disability insurance. In terms of PR, I admit they're a bit shitful.

What about the other leadership team changes, should we care?
No. Garrett is a much better rockstar than politician, Stephen Conroy tried to censor the internet and Wayne Swan is nearly as bad at mathematics as Joe Hockey. Although you can care that Penny Wong is now leader of the Senate, because that's BRILLIANT!

So what will Rudd do now he is back?
Be the dorky Ruddbot we all once loved. Travel all over the countryside shaking hands, saying 'programmatic specificity' and carrying suitcases through floods. Try to defeat Tony Abbott and win the next election then hopefuly get gay marriage legislation through. Sit up in bed at night looking at his business card, stroking the raised typeface where it says "K Rudd, PM", lovingly.

And will there be a Harry Potter version of this for the weekend?
Probably! I am very pleased that Mark Simkin, chief political correspondant for the ABC reported that Gillard and Rudd were like the Deathly Hallows, 'Neither can live while the other survives.' 
neil youngsaintgilbert on June 26th, 2013 02:21 pm (UTC)

blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 27th, 2013 12:53 pm (UTC)
Come back to life, dear!
Loyaulte Me Lie: tell shocolateshocolate on June 26th, 2013 02:52 pm (UTC)
I was waiting for your report!!
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 27th, 2013 12:55 pm (UTC)
There's more to it. I have to say that today has had me in a froth, if half the people praising Gillard had had a good word to say about her prior to her getting the chop, she may not have. And at the same time, the other commentators saying that her 'running the gender wars' was the problem makes me want to take to them with a stick. Sadly, work is huge at the moment, so it will be the weekend before I can write more.
Catherine17catherines on June 27th, 2013 01:13 pm (UTC)
If I had a like button, I'd be liking this comment about a hundred times...
illereynillereyn on June 26th, 2013 03:07 pm (UTC)
If there was a 'Like' button I'd click it a hundred times...

I really despair of our politics, I really do...
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blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 27th, 2013 12:57 pm (UTC)
I can only comfort myself with the fact that it is better than in America. But it's still fucking dire. And people are such wilful bloody idiots, too, witness the anonymous commenter below. There are lots of legitimate reasons to critcise the Gillard govt, her legislative record is absolutely not one of them.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 27th, 2013 12:55 pm (UTC)
I like to think of it as Shakespeare performed by gibbons, it all makes more sense that way.
Leochileochi on June 26th, 2013 03:18 pm (UTC)
Aha - I've been waiting for you to elucidate. :D As I know virtually nothing about that topic, and our national broadcasting company rarely mentions Aussie politics, I was quite surprised to find Gillard in our breaking news.

Edited at 2013-06-26 05:22 pm (UTC)
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 27th, 2013 12:58 pm (UTC)
I'm pleased that people around the world are able to enjoy our ongoing drama ;-)

I hope that she ends up with a strong public role somewhere. Or else retrains as a ninja.
oops: [j2] *hearteyes*oddishly on June 26th, 2013 03:38 pm (UTC)
I, too, was waiting for this! *absorbs, open-mouthed*
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 27th, 2013 12:58 pm (UTC)
There's more, and it's madder. I'll try to get it up this weekend.
cassie_blackcassie_black12 on June 26th, 2013 05:24 pm (UTC)
LOL!! I was just privately bemoaning the lack of HP analogies in your post, and then I hit your final point! I may have cheered slightly :)

blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 27th, 2013 12:59 pm (UTC)
Had to write very quickly! But there will be more soon!
Shivshiv5468 on June 26th, 2013 07:47 pm (UTC)
She'll have more time for knitting that kangaroo now.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 27th, 2013 01:04 pm (UTC)
I love the fact she's a knitter, it's the perfect craft for the busy woman. Just sad she's going to have so much more time for it. I want to go back in time and get her to stand by Rudd in 2010, so as to be perfectly placed to succeed him amicably in 2014. I blame Paul Howes!
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blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 27th, 2013 01:06 pm (UTC)
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 27th, 2013 01:06 pm (UTC)
Thanks, dear! Today has had me shouting at people in three types of media. On my own mag, we've just pulled all our Sept political stories as we have a 5-week lead time and God knows what will happen ;-)
Catherine17catherines on June 26th, 2013 10:30 pm (UTC)
I must say, I turned to Andrew last night and said, well, this is all horrible, but with any luck, Blamebrampton will write a Harry Potter version, so at least that's an up-side...

And yes, to all of this. Especially the pollie-rolling test matches.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 27th, 2013 01:09 pm (UTC)
At the moment, it looks as though Rudd v Abbott will be a much tighter run than Australia v England! I will write like the wind for you for this weekend!
Catherine17catherines on June 27th, 2013 01:15 pm (UTC)
Ooh, for me? I feel special!

Incidentally, I think you might enjoy my friend Marian's blog over at http://consciencevote.com.au/
jack_ryderjack_ryder on June 26th, 2013 10:49 pm (UTC)
Reshared this as it's an absolutely brilliant summation.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 27th, 2013 01:12 pm (UTC)
Cheers, dear. They're all mad, aren't they.

Though today, when Julie Bishop came over and gave Kevin what looked like a genuine friendly kiss on the cheek, do you think she was more motivated by the thought of being able to beat him, or the very quiet, deep hope that he can beat Tony, which would then see Malcolm rout Tony and her working beside a rational person?
jack_ryderjack_ryder on June 27th, 2013 08:36 pm (UTC)
I hope the latter. Woke up to news this morning that caucus wants Rudd to move even more to the right on asylum seekers which I think means nuking them from orbit.

embolinaozembolinaoz on June 26th, 2013 11:06 pm (UTC)
If only all our political debate was as witty and incisive as your summation!!
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 27th, 2013 01:12 pm (UTC)
Alexandra Needhamfiwen1010 on June 27th, 2013 01:09 am (UTC)
I miss Aussie politics. It seemed so much more chaotic than ours, but still less depressing. possibly because it wasn't happening to me.

It's now got to the stage where I snigger every time the Ashes are mentioned.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 27th, 2013 01:17 pm (UTC)
I think it's because the voting populace is bananas, but also conservative in the useful sense of the word, not wanting to do crazy things or screw things up for people. So it's easy to keep upbeat in the knowledge that even when shit happens, like WorkChoices, it will be sorted out relatively quickly.
astardanced77astardanced77 on June 27th, 2013 01:43 am (UTC)
Lol (but quietly, because I am at work). I was watching the ABC coverage last night and thought of you during that particular remark. I'm terribly disappointed - good about Penny Wong but doesn't make up for ditching Julia Gillard. But a HP summary is sure to make me feel better!
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 27th, 2013 01:22 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I am really sad about Gillard. But at the same time, I have spent the last year shouting 'What are you doing?!' at her. If she was always as straightforward as she was in her resignation speech and the misogyny speech when she just spoke from experience and with measured emotion, then I think she would have won. Bugger.
ecosopherecosopher on June 27th, 2013 01:57 am (UTC)
Sigh. It's not like I really loved her. And I did think it was rough, that she ousted Kevin in the first place. But as you say, it's nothing new.

I just really felt that there was good amount of sabotage in there as well, while she was PM, and I don't know enough about what happens there to know if it were just sexism. I suspect that had a lot to do with it, though.

Still, I'm also willing to give Kevin another go if it means we won't have Abbott in September (or August, I suppose?).

Look forward to a Harry Potter version :) Very much!
drbunsen: GingerOverlorddrbunsen on June 27th, 2013 02:56 am (UTC)
Oh hooray! I just came here to find your Harry Potter Primer to show to my bewildered friends from beyond the seas, and thought I'd check to see if you had something new up about the latest shenanigans. Can't wait for the new HP version :)
boodiedharawal on June 27th, 2013 04:30 am (UTC)
I was sooooo hoping you would do this 8-)

ozdobeozdobe on June 27th, 2013 04:44 am (UTC)
Thank you and I hate to admit it, but I was very much in the dark about the whole thing. Funnily enough, my orthodontist was Tony Abbott's father, Richard (I think it was Richard...hmm) Abbott (r abbott = rabbit - a suitable name for someone fixing those buck teeth). btw, I keep forgetting to get logged in these days for some reason and turn up as anonymous.
valkyrie17valkyrie17 on June 27th, 2013 06:59 am (UTC)
I was hoping for your comments on this.

You make politics so enjoyable and entertaining:)
suonguyensuonguyen on June 27th, 2013 10:14 am (UTC)
I don't really keep up with politics so thanks for the rehashing! :D

I was out last night watching an advance screening of Man of Steel and saw the news headlines as I was heading out (was actually hoping for an update on the State of Origin game :D). I could not get the smile of my face! I love Kevin Rudd he was the first Prime Minister I voted for (Kevin07).
(Anonymous) on June 27th, 2013 12:19 pm (UTC)
Another paid up member of the "love media"
What absolute twaddle. Good at legislating!!!!
That would be the extra 22000 regulations now clogging up the country's arteries. Mind you its unanalysed cheering from dolts like you that kept this delusional government on the path to crushing defeat at the election. Well done that cheer leader.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on June 27th, 2013 12:52 pm (UTC)
Re: Another paid up member of the "love media"
Hi Chris Pyne! Good to see you embracing social media.

It's a sorry state of affairs when your idea of political debate consists of pulling a nonsensical figure out of your arse. As for your hatred of regulation, that's just ideological idiocy. There is one key reason as to why the Australian economy did not tank with the rest of the OECD in 2008 and that is a comparatively high level of banking and financial regulation.

Ask Lehman Brothers how an unregulated environment worked for them. Oh, that's right, you can't. They're gone, taking the global economy with them. And what about RBOS being allowed to run a balance sheet with 1.9 trillion pounds of liability to 91 billion pounds of equity suggests to you that an uregulated system is a good idea?

I'm used to bile without substance in the current political climate, but it doesn't mean I have to like or respect it. You're a numpty, come back when you have an argument.

And yes, very, very good at legislating. Take a look at the actual record rather than the lack of reporting in the News Media papers.

Edited at 2013-06-27 12:52 pm (UTC)
Fanartist in trainingkath_ballantyne on June 28th, 2013 01:40 am (UTC)
Re: Another paid up member of the "love media"
Hee. So well said!
mrsquizzicalmrsquizzical on June 27th, 2013 01:48 pm (UTC)
i will be referencing this and also probably quoting it. *nods*
AMY 凛☆ラブ☆アタックtomatoe18 on June 27th, 2013 03:39 pm (UTC)
Brammers, I saw this on the news today (repeatedly, I might add, which is surprising because the TV I was watching was Indonesian channels). And my head hurts.

I read your post, which is admittedly much clearer... but my head still hurts. I don't know how you deal with this.
mayela_delarue: Patiencemayela_delarue on June 27th, 2013 08:16 pm (UTC)
I love your commentary so much. I really can't wait to come home and have real time political malarkey discussions with you. Being away, I've missed a bunch of the small stuff, but the last few months has really ruffled my feathers and I think I might build a coalition of bright people to, well I'm not quite sure what we're going to do yet, but it'll be something worthy.

In the meantime, I look forward to your succinct analysis to fill in some gaps for me. And I should probably go and find a stream of her speech, sounds like it was good.

I wish she'd had better advisers and PR.
Fanartist in trainingkath_ballantyne on June 28th, 2013 01:59 am (UTC)
I just hope they settle down now and get stuff sorted and win the election. I don't really care either way as far as Gillard Vs Rudd goes. I just hate all the in fighting that brings us closer to Abbott *shudder*

I hated the way the press dealt with Gillard and I'm certain that a huge amount of it was because she was a woman.

I love the fact that Gillard knits. I can't understand what the fuss was in the press about it.

It really would be nice to be able to get married before our fifteenth anniversary. But I'm not holding my breath
tyghra: Business Suittyghra on June 28th, 2013 03:53 pm (UTC)
All been said by those folk above, and most likely, after my wee comment. Just want to say one thing... what a bloody brilliant synopsis! Thankyou.