?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
28 May 2010 @ 09:22 pm
It's the perfect evening!  
Spectacular dinner, now surrounded by cats, the house is warm while outside is grey and wet, and I have delicious fudge from Tasmania. Best of all, I have a television and SBS. Naturally, I have FAR more sensible and pressing things to be doing, but instead, let me tell you about Eurovision Semi-final 1.

Moldova have two very attractive singers, but what the hell were they thinking with their costumes? She is wearing a silver mini with a wired ra-ra skirt and a racoony slash of 1976 blue eye shadow. He looks as though he wants to sell me a Socialist newsletter. The song is boppy and pleasant and I have forgotten it already.

Because Russia is now performing. Ooh it's moody. He is wearing a black scarf and has said Lord of Mercy in the first stanza. Shame his voice is so quavery. Key Change! DRINK! I like the fact that the Russian band are all wearing woolies. He is singing (and acting at the same time) 'Looking at your photo" (which he needs to forget), and it's an ink sketch! Artistic choice? or they forgot to bring a photo of a girl? Maybe they used the entire budget on that bright yellow drum kit. Fantastic stuff, and he's ending on a hero note AND a key change. Classic Eurovision. Oh Terry Wogan, why are you not here to snark for me so I could just sit back with a few limoncellos?
treacle_tartlet  says: Is he reading the lyrics off that little card? Surely they rehearsed before they went on? And has he borrowed one of Merlin's spare neckerchiefs?

ESTONIA! Win my darlings, win! Martin Lincoln is the name of the band, and they absolutely look like the Malfoy Family Annual Photo, 1978. Pointy and blond lead singer and his mates, all with Artistic Cravats. The song is pleasant enough, should get through to the finals. The camerawork is a little disorienting, though! Catchy chorus, now I've heard it 20 times.

Song Number four comes from Slovakia, and is their number 1 hit at the moment. This is one of the few songs I have heard before, mostly so I could check out the FANTASTIC I Was Mugged By A Tree on the Way to the Stadium costumes. And there's our first interpretive dance of the evening. With drums! DRINK! If this does not make it to the finals I will be very surprised. Random ethnic woman! DRINK! I do rather love the wacky costume the main singer is wearing, even if it is the colour of algae. Streamers! Her backing dancers are like big butch rythmic gymnasts!

Finland are next, first piano accordian of the evening, played by a woman who is a puppeteer. And doing half the vocals! Her mate is apparently a midwife of some sort. Icy white costumes and slightly elfish looks, very Finnish. Lovely folky tone to the song, and a violin in the back-up. Handclaps and whoops! DRINK! Dancers doing backing vocals -- good use of crew! Ooh! ABBA-like tempo change! Very nice! Not good enough to win, I think, but with the Baltic block vote, even though curtailed this year, they should get through to the finals. Apparently Lordi wished them well, and given they are singing proudly in Finnish, so they should!

Latvia's Aisha and 'What For' is next. It's a classic example of why it's not always best to sing in English.'What for are we living? What for are we dreaming? What for are we losing? Only Mr God knows why. But his phone today is out of range.' I did not make that up. I wish I'd grabbed that limoncello and taken those drinks when I ought, as I would be drunk by now and this would hurt less. WHY is she wearing a dressing gown?? I'd like to give her what for with a tuning fork after she just butchered that note!

And now it's Serbia whose singer is Milan, which makes me happy as I know a LOVELY Serbian Milan. Ovo je Balkan, another native language entry. His hair is ATROCIOUS, as is that bedazzled jacket, but the song is growing on me. Lots of little yips and some distortion, which is fun to see, sort of like the Balkan media in the 90s. Sorry, NO POLITICS IN EUROVISION. Unless you're Portugal and you need a signal to start the Carnation Revolution (true story!). The backing dancers are pleasingly awful, I feel they are probably his mates from down the pub, and appreciate that level of local support. Bless. Might well make it through, there's so much colour and movement, and there's a breast shimmy, DRINK! Kind of awful but brilliantly so, so I won't be surprised if they make it to the finals.

Bosnia & Herzegovina next. SMOKE MACHINE! DRINK! I like this guy's voice, it's like Coldplay with less wankery. Lightning effect! DRINK! Oh, it's a song about global warming! 'This is a time to melt the ice ...' He plays a mean axe, too. And his backing singers are mostly mini-clad girls. Lovely! And a bloke in a Beatles' suit. Oh, no, two blokes, one was hiding behind the guitar. HEROIC MICROPHONE STAND POSE! DRINK! Treacle points out that the lightning bolt on his lapel is very Pottery, she is quite right! She also says: And a Gryffindor red jacket...do you think perhaps he's secretly shagging Estonian!Draco?

We have an apple-ish song from Poland. OOH! Wagnerian wailing at the start! And apples in mouths and my cat is climbing me, no Monnie, mummy is typing! I love the dirndl-ish skirts there in apple green and black, headscarves on the backing singers, too. Lovely! I have NO IDEA what this song is about, the dancing is far too distracting. And slightly aggressive. Are they going to punch the girl singer? Oh, no, running off for a Sapphic tryst instead. Much better.

I like the blokey presenter, who has very nice hair and while he said Oslo in a Norwegian way to begin with, he is now saying it in an English way to make everyone else feel less stupid, bless!

Damnit, they're back and it's Belgium and I haven't opened the fudge yet, let alone coordinated a drink. Tom Dice is the performer, and he has lovely everything, the wee sweet lad. He's the Neville of the night! (Yes, I slightly want to shag him, shut up.) In a separate window, Treacle has just called him Neville, too. Clearly it's obvious. Nice if totally forgettable song. Could win. Actually, I quite like it now it's halfway through. It's like one of those Bryan Adams tunes that you hate on principle, but hum along to on the ferry when it's played over the tannoy ...

Malta now. Still no fudge or alcohol. Ad break, please! OOH! FANTASTIC HAIR! And she has a gorgeous frock. Lovely curvy girl with a good big voice and absolutely splendid eye make-up. You know those Maltese women who look as though they were lacquered before leaving the house? It's that look, but in the nice way. It's a 1980s Eurovision song, which can work, but is the sort that hasn't really won since Fly on the Wings of Love in 2000. Apparently This is Her Dream, and the sun will shine upon your face if you follow your heart and trust in platitudes. OH FUCK ME! The dress has wings!!!! It's a whole other human back there!!!!! And now she's operaticked, DRINK! and the dress person is dancing about with his wings and sticking his pelvis out. That ended far weirder than it started. The Australian commentator is right, he does look like a seagull. In the words of treacle: Oh, she's been practising those hand movements in her mirror since she was five years old, hasn't she? AIEEEEE! IT'S ALIVE!

Albania's tune is boppy and poppy and a little bit Donna Summer, but the singer is pure Charlie's Angels. Who styled this show? Hugh Hefner? It's Hot Chicks of 1974-1979! Actually, she's sort of the love child of Olivian Newton-John and Donna, with those flicks and that catsuit. The backing singers are righteous, all Motown glory days. Her violinist has the most unfortunate hair head I have yet seen tonight. It's all dreadful at such a level of genius that it approaches really good.

I desperately hope this year's Greek singer is as hot as last year's. Alas, no. Not at all. Not even a little bit. Backing dancers, perhaps? OH YES! Thank you, Greece. You never fail me in my pursuit of vapid eye candy and bad choreography. The singer is very rough looking, and only 33. Maybe he is friends with the Deathly Hallows art director? The song is mostly sing, sing, shout enthusiastically, clap; they should make it through unless people are really really pissed off with Greece for destroying Europe. Oh god that man is plain ... Treacle on the dancing: 'And step, and step, and GRUNT!' She is a genius. OOH! Ethnic instrument! DRINK! And surprise! drums! DRINK! I would love a few drinks with the backing dancer first on the plain man's right. And then a few more for breakfast, Phwoar!

Portugal and a power ballad in Portuguese. The singer is utterly gorgeous, and in a really nice frock. I suspect there may be a tear-away skirt lurking there. And she is divine, but this song is so nice, I have nothing to say. Pleasant, sweet, well performed. Where's the entertainment in that? I can't leave, though, in case the skirt comes off. Oh dear, she is earnestly reaching out to connect with the audience. This is Eurovision! Take your skirt off to reveal another skirt and a tiny wee drummer! That will connect! Hero note, not worth a drink, dress remains tragically intact. Artistic high ground, = no fun at all!

Oh thank god, ad! Right, fudge open, far too much limoncello given I need to write later, and I am back before treacle. (Quickly corrects worst typos in recent paragraphs ...) It occurs to me I had a huge glass of Bordeaux with dinner, which explains why that big gulp of limoncello is making everything a bit wonkier. Possibly not the best idea on top of a bad cold ...

It's time for the Former Yugolslavian Republic of Macedonia now, and apparently it's Bob from down the pub performing for them. That's nice! He could have shaved, though. Think of all the product that went into making Milan so smooth and shiny, Bob, and I hope it will inspire you for the finals, should you make it. And he's started singing, and he can probably ignore that advice as he won't need it. The song is about a man who no longer wants his woman, and he is dramatising it by pushing away the backup dancers as they drape themselves over him, alas, as treacle says: 
'Did his backup dancers abandon him? It that why he's hired hookers? Oh my god, Macedonian rap D:'
Yup, she's right. Fresh-Prince stylings from someone, and now an Aerosmith-like guitarist, this song is ignoring the 1970s theme and instead is clearly a tribute to the early 1990s, including the Miami Vice jacket on the singer. And I suspect that singer employs those young ladies back home, from the look of him. And now all that chaos has fled.

Leaving the stage free for Belarus. Shiny sparkly backing singers, emo-haired lead singer, in English again. The singer thinks he is Blaize Zabini, but he is Theo Nott at best. Rather too tuneful in the harmonies, chaps. You'll never make it with all that pleasant singing. OOH! Il Divo-like tenor sharing! And some soulful OOh-OOhing, very nice! Treacle thinks the lead chap is fanon Albus Severus. AHAHAHAHA! Costume reveal! DRINKK! The big skirts were hiding butterfly wings! Because the song was called Butterflies! Yay! It is deeply poo! May win. Should possibly not have had any limoncello given what a fucking lightweight I am.

Iceland to end, Hera Bjork, which is two goddesses in one. Great frock! Alas, no dead swans. She has a great voice, but her French is worse than mine (don't ask me why the Icelander is singing with a French chorus, it's cultural.) Their costumes look like the wedding party from hell. But she is smiling so sweetly! Bless her optimistic heart! (It's all a bit I've broken my ankle minutes before going on, but if I smile enough, no one need ever know!!) you know, that's the only time I've seen an Iceland entry made up entirely of average-looking people. Maybe they can't afford to send their beautiful people to Eurovision anymore, they stay up late and drink and people come back to their hotel rooms to angst about their performances and eat the snacks in the minibar. This lot look as though they have a great evening meal together, then go up and pick up hot Greek backing dancers and get in a great shag before an early night.


Anyway, that's me done as I am now more than a little bit stonkered and treacle has run away to watch Glee with the goatfarmer. The Finnish singer, who is a delight, has just begged that Australia join the European Union: A surer sign of economic desperation I have rarely seen. Get your own Mining Windfall! You can look up the results, or check out any of these spectacular acts yourself on www.eurovision.tv -- you won't regret it! And to put you in the right mood, here's the 2000 winner:

 
 
 
Darry Willis: Run Awaynursedarry on May 28th, 2010 11:43 am (UTC)
I LOVE Eurovision. I HATE our entry, though.

Am taping it :D
blamebramptonblamebrampton on May 28th, 2010 11:52 am (UTC)
That is because you are a woman of taste and it is shit!

You will laugh and laugh: I did ;-)
Darry Willis: 3PODoomednursedarry on May 28th, 2010 12:38 pm (UTC)
I saw it on YouTube earlier. Once again, the choreography of the obligatory female insects buzzing around is rubbish, distracting and unnecessary. And the song is just D.U.L.L.
prone to mischief: z is for zillahtreacle_tartlet on May 28th, 2010 11:59 am (UTC)
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Next time there will be gin, yes there will!
blamebramptonblamebrampton on May 29th, 2010 04:14 am (UTC)
I have just fixed all the awful typos: next time there will be water for me! TONIGHT! Semi final 2!
AutumnHearti_autumnheart on May 28th, 2010 12:16 pm (UTC)
Awesome commentary there :) I didn't watch it, but suspect I now don't need to, as you've painted a far more interesting picture.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on May 29th, 2010 04:15 am (UTC)
It's usually safest to skip the semis ;-) But I have to say that the tree and seagull acts were ROBBED! Tree girl in particular, given that hers was actually a decent song.
AutumnHearti_autumnheart on May 29th, 2010 09:11 am (UTC)
Have now watched, and yes - quite liked the tree-girl. The seagull was just weird.
LadyDark1 ~ A  Harry and Draco Slash Addict.Periodldydark1 on May 28th, 2010 11:49 pm (UTC)
You evenings sound similar to my evenings,
a nice glass of pinot noir, some sweets,
the telly, or live journal.
I liked reading your viewpoints on the
show.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on May 29th, 2010 04:17 am (UTC)
It's more usually a long walk or a book or knitting, maybe even writing ;-) But I do love a good telly evening for a special occasion! I only started watching television in my late teens and love the genius of the medium that shines through for things like Eurovision!
&helena;uminohikari on May 29th, 2010 04:54 am (UTC)
SO MANY SPARKLES :D
blamebramptonblamebrampton on May 29th, 2010 08:15 am (UTC)
I think the entire European sequin and fake gemstone industry lives for Eurovision ;-)
mousiclesmousicles on May 29th, 2010 08:11 am (UTC)
I loved your review of the evening. We agree on so much. Why didn't we discover our obsession for Eurovision while we were sharing a house?

I loved Poland because it was so mad. The child loves Greece and is already singing it. I thought it was great too.

Looking forward to semi 2 tonight.
blamebramptonblamebrampton on May 29th, 2010 08:14 am (UTC)
I have asked myself that exact question! Just think of all the great singalongs we missed out on :-(

The Greek song was so insane it could possibly take it out. The yips and drumming made it for me, possibly with a little from that gorgeous backing dancer. Bring on semi 2!
LadyDark1 ~ A  Harry and Draco Slash Addict.Periodldydark1 on May 31st, 2010 06:12 pm (UTC)
I love taking long walks. I like to be around the
blue sky and the green grass. I also like losing
myself in a good book. Eurovision sounds
facinating.